At Least I Have A Plan

[Jack-O99]

A couple of days ago I started feeling violently suicidal again, so I decided to grab <mod edit - method>. The only reason I'm mentioning the method is because <mod edit - method>. I came really fucking close last time to just getting it over with, and more and more I feel like I'm losing my ability to cope with anything. Any time I feel overwhelmed it's like my bodies only response is to tell me how worthless I am and that it would all go away if I did. It hits like a fucking wall and I very rarely have any control over it until I end up hurting myself or making things worse.

I'm planning on starting to drink again seeing as it's the only thing that has ever protected me from this shit, but I can't help but feel a little defeated. I just don't want to die and every cell of me is screaming for me to do it. I don't even know why I write these because to be honest with you I'm likely just going to keep hurting myself until I stop caring. And then maybe I might have the guts to do what I actually want to do. More than anything I just don't want to wake up tomorrow, but I know I'll have to anyways.

 

[MisterBGone]

Please keep talking with us if you feel that--that helps you... There are quite a few people who have been in your shoes, and can relate to you. Maybe, something might make a difference? Take care of yourself. : )

 

[So so tired]

A couple of days ago I started feeling violently suicidal again, so I decided to grab <mod edit - method>. The only reason I'm mentioning the method is because <mod edit - method>. I came really fucking close last time to just getting it over with, and more and more I feel like I'm losing my ability to cope with anything. Any time I feel overwhelmed it's like my bodies only response is to tell me how worthless I am and that it would all go away if I did. It hits like a fucking wall and I very rarely have any control over it until I end up hurting myself or making things worse.

I'm planning on starting to drink again seeing as it's the only thing that has ever protected me from this shit, but I can't help but feel a little defeated. I just don't want to die and every cell of me is screaming for me to do it. I don't even know why I write these because to be honest with you I'm likely just going to keep hurting myself until I stop caring. And then maybe I might have the guts to do what I actually want to do. More than anything I just don't want to wake up tomorrow, but I know I'll have to anyways.

Hi @Jack-O99 .i am sorry to hear that you are in such a dark place.
The self distruct button seems so inviting when we are engulfed and overwhelmed by our desire to die.i really understand as i am in the same position.
I don't believe that you are worthless,and this feeling is stress and anxiety induced and not factual.
I hope things will improve for you and sending hugs your way.

 

[may71]

I feel like I'm losing my ability to cope with anything. Any time I feel overwhelmed it's like my bodies only response is to tell me how worthless I am and that it would all go away if I did

Sorry that this is happening.

In principle, it's possible to learn a different way to respond.

I know that you've had bad experiences with therapy so far, so if you don't want to see a therapist, you might be able to learn was of responding differently on your own. I can try to give some suggestions about how to do that if you'd like.

 

[The Unknown Philosopher]

I'd consider getting some help myself, when I've had enough
and nothing feels right, but going seems more preferable to
trying what our society has to offer for help.

 

[jamieblue1]

A couple of days ago I started feeling violently suicidal again, so I decided to grab <mod edit - method>. The only reason I'm mentioning the method is because <mod edit - method>. I came really fucking close last time to just getting it over with, and more and more I feel like I'm losing my ability to cope with anything. Any time I feel overwhelmed it's like my bodies only response is to tell me how worthless I am and that it would all go away if I did. It hits like a fucking wall and I very rarely have any control over it until I end up hurting myself or making things worse.

I'm planning on starting to drink again seeing as it's the only thing that has ever protected me from this shit, but I can't help but feel a little defeated. I just don't want to die and every cell of me is screaming for me to do it. I don't even know why I write these because to be honest with you I'm likely just going to keep hurting myself until I stop caring. And then maybe I might have the guts to do what I actually want to do. More than anything I just don't want to wake up tomorrow, but I know I'll have to anyways.

I can so relate. Hugs.