At my breaking point......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by waste of space, Apr 9, 2011.

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  1. About eight months ago I received a new job that I have always wanted to do since I was a child. I thought it would be my dream job but recently I have been hating the job with a passion. Because of the job, I was able to move out of my state and move to a different one. I was excited since I am so young and doing something with my life while the rest of my buddies back home are in school, living at home still, or working at some crappy part time job just barely getting by. I was able to start a new chapter in my life and I looked forward to it. Turned out this was the farthest thing from my dream job. I can suck it up like man and do it for rest of my life, but the thing that bothers me so much is the fact that other people who I personally know who have my job love it, yet I hate it so fucking much. I know I am fortunate enough to at least have a job in this shit economy but this turned out to be a major let down for me and only adds to my troubles.

    Not to long ago, I started to become very close to my good friend. I loved talking with her, hanging out with her, and thought that maybe she could be the one. She was beautiful, smart, and everything I wanted in a woman. I never had a girlfriend before, so I thought she could of been my first one. Things were going good for the first time in my life and I was actually happy. I had very strong feelings for her, but before I decided to take the plunge, she started fucking my best friend who knew that I liked her a lot. It was a stab in the back and in my heart. I then moved on and wrote them both off and out of my life, which leaves me to where I am now, alone once again. I hate not having someone to love, to hold, to call my own, to come home to after working my fucking shit job for 14 hours every damn day. I never had the best luck when it came to women so it really bothers me when I lose someone who I care about and love. I am trying to stay positive and not have these two things affect me so much, but they are.

    I just don’t know anymore. I try to think positive and have the right mind set that things will get better but they don’t. I feel so empty inside. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I have been drinking a lot recently to try to escape but it only helps a little. I don’t even like drinking due to the fact that my father is a raging alcoholic and I promised myself I wouldn’t turn out like that. I don’t talk to my friends anymore and just spend my time ignoring people for the most part since I am always so angry, upset, depressed and lonely. I lost interest in all my hobbies and doing what I like to do, but I just lost the desire and don’t have the time because of work. I know that there are other people out there who have it much worse then me and it may seem petty, but this is really tearing me up and I am having a difficult time dealing with all this in my life. I would appreciate any words of wisdom and advice, I just don’t know anymore and am at my breaking point and losing this battle. Each day that goes by I think more and more of just ending it all. I cant live like this anymore....
     
  2. Lestat

    Lestat Guest

    I am very sure one day you will find someone who you will love and will love you back. It always looks bleak after a break up or a person does not show you the love you have for them. If you look and try i'm sure you will find her or maybe even more than one.

    The job looks bad for you. I really wish I could offer advice. I want to say quit but I don't know if you should. If it gets too much though and it effects your health do leave or take a holiday.
     
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i know how you feel. i panic at my job
     
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