At my limit

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lonelyguy, Feb 12, 2010.

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  1. Lonelyguy

    Lonelyguy New Member

    Hi, I'm new to the boards.
    Joining this forum is really a milestone for me. Never thought it would come to this, but can't ignore it anymore. I've lived my life up to this point ignorant, naive and unaware of the complications and consequences my actions has done to others. All the feelings, all my decisions, all the values I've based my life around (or the lack of thereof), everything's clear now. And now that I'm enlightened, I feel empty. Even the fact that I'm considering ending it all without shedding a tear says that I'm hollow. Can't feel anything anymore, don't care. All the things that mattered don't mean anything to me now.

    I've spent the past 3 months of realisation isolating myself, not attending college, ignoring my girlfriend, my dad, not opening up for my friends, don't see how it would help anyway, can't convey my feelings anymore as I don't feel anything, they would just misunderstand and make things worse. Now everything's caught up with me, I've broken my girlfriend's heart because of my negligence... I can't return to school because of the implications. Can't face my classmates or my girlfriend... Last night my friend came over and told me that she had called him, telling him everything that's been going on. He saw it as lack of trust, since I didnt talk to him about it, and how horrible I've treated my girlfriend by not talking to her or anyone. I'm tired of complicating other people's lives, being afraid, hurting others. I can't take it anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2010
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well you're here. Now you have a place to talk and others WILL listen and understand. Maybe if you keep posting about what has been happening (or not happening) it will help to stir up some feelings and some will to want to move forward. Keep posting. You deserve to be heard and a chance to open up about everything. Welcome to SF.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, Glad you found us here, this place is great and full of caring people that is open 24/7. I understand the isolating and keep things inside, we just seem to hold onto our pain and feel nobody can help so why bother telling...well it does help to talk and we are can't complicate our lives anymore than they already are ..they are pretty complicated already so your okay there...we are here so please feel free to tell us more about how you are feeling and what if anything we can do in the way of helping you...
    take care and look forward to getting to know you...
  4. Lonelyguy

    Lonelyguy New Member

    I just can't picture myself living a life like this, knowing what I know. I've tried to make things better for everyone, talk out about feelings, but it's all such a mess, I can't even make sense of it. Everyone misunderstands, even myself... Talking about it makes it more complicated, but saying nothing and hiding makes it even more. It's been like this for a while now. I just want it to end.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hang on to what little hope you have left and build upon that..I know things a complicated but it can be simplified, everything can it just feels like that is not possible at this time because your in pain but trust me on this point.
    It gets better it does and many people here are testament to that fact...sure we have bad times to be certain but so do the happiest of people..hang in there please as it does gets better and the most complicated of situations have their solutions too...
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