Hi, I'm new to the boards. Joining this forum is really a milestone for me. Never thought it would come to this, but can't ignore it anymore. I've lived my life up to this point ignorant, naive and unaware of the complications and consequences my actions has done to others. All the feelings, all my decisions, all the values I've based my life around (or the lack of thereof), everything's clear now. And now that I'm enlightened, I feel empty. Even the fact that I'm considering ending it all without shedding a tear says that I'm hollow. Can't feel anything anymore, don't care. All the things that mattered don't mean anything to me now. I've spent the past 3 months of realisation isolating myself, not attending college, ignoring my girlfriend, my dad, not opening up for my friends, don't see how it would help anyway, can't convey my feelings anymore as I don't feel anything, they would just misunderstand and make things worse. Now everything's caught up with me, I've broken my girlfriend's heart because of my negligence... I can't return to school because of the implications. Can't face my classmates or my girlfriend... Last night my friend came over and told me that she had called him, telling him everything that's been going on. He saw it as lack of trust, since I didnt talk to him about it, and how horrible I've treated my girlfriend by not talking to her or anyone. I'm tired of complicating other people's lives, being afraid, hurting others. I can't take it anymore.