At My Rope's End

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anthonyg91, Dec 18, 2014.

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  1. anthonyg91

    anthonyg91 New Member

    For the past 3 years I have had a constant urge to urinate. 24 hours a day. Non stop. It started out of nowhere one day. I had a perfectly normal bladder and only had to think about the bathroom 4-5 times a day. Sometimes it's more manageable than others. Lately it's been really bad though. Sometimes I feel like I have to go urgently every 10-15 minutes. Very little comes out, because my bladder is empty. The only relief I am able to get is when I'm asleep at night.

    I've had every test there is. Urine cultures, blood tests, ultrasounds, MRIs, extremely painful cystoscopy and urodynamic tests. I've taken antibiotics, overactive bladder medication. I've tried avoiding caffeine and alcohol. I've tried everything and the doctors still don't know what's wrong with me.

    A couple have suggested anxiety, but this has been going on for 3 years straight. I can usually sleep 6-7 hours straight without having to get up to use the bathroom so that's something I've tried holding on to in the hope that it's just anxiety while I'm awake. But I feel it the second I wake up. I try to reassure myself nothing is wrong with me and nothing ever works. I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago and she wants me to see a psychiatrist (have an appointment for next week) to see about being put on some kind of anti depressant/anti anxiety meds.

    I'm afraid the medication won't help me, just like nothing else has. And then I'll be at a point where it's not necessarily physical and not necessarily psychosomatic/anxiety and then the last shred of hope I have left will have evaporated.

    I can't live the rest of my life like this. I think about wanting to die every single day. I'm 23 years old. I've already lost a good chunk of my 20s to this. This isn't life. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. The discomfort is always present. Anywhere I go I'm constantly looking for the bathroom. I don't know if it's all in my head or a real physical problem that the doctors can't cure/identify. But I'm almost at the point where I don't want to keep on going anymore.
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you must endure. im sure a solution will be found.
  3. mollycule

    mollycule New Member

    Hey Anthony-

    I know I'm a female but I had/have a similar issue. It's actually comforting to see that if led someone else to the same feelings I experienced most days. At first they just thought I had a yeast infection, then a UTI- they tried a bunch of different antibiotics (one of which I was allergic too and sent me to the ER), still nothing,muscle relaxers, anti-bladder spasm meds, got blood tests, the urologist did a bunch of stuff, had an MRI. I found that when the Dr's couldn't find anything wrong they just gave up. I even was one one medication that turned my urine dark blue so I would stain peoples' toilets if I used them. I struggled through everyday (still do somedays). I had chronic pain varying in intensities all day. I found though the more I tried to get more out of my bladder, the more pain I would be in eventually. Last spring the urologist wanted me to catheterize myself at home once to twice a week to put lidocaine into my bladder to relax it. I knew it was just to help the pain because they didn't know the cause.

    I suggest looking for different doctors...I kept looking and looking. I felt like it was either spend any amount of hope I had left looking for a solution because I would end up killing myself. I ended up finding a Dr. who works for the National Institute of Health who knew right away- I have a gland problem and it was causing the pain and affecting my urethra since the gland with the issues is about a millimeter way from my urethra. He thinks the nerve to the gland over-fires. You are a male and this is a female gland but KEEP LOOKING. I took me a year and a half. I have medications that actually help me immensely now and in a few years if we can't get it to go away comepletely I will have surgery.

    I did not enjoy life at all before- I get that. It's not a feeling where you can be in the moment and forget it's happening to you. And the worst part was that I felt like no one was helping me- I was hopeless. I was trapped in this situation that I couldn't believe was even really happening to me. Feel free to PM me at anytime or anything. And hang in there.
  4. mollycule

    mollycule New Member

    I am 25 now, so similar age as you.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    hope the Meds give some relief. Keep researching online for possible answers, I shouldn't be promoting home remedies but if you're that desperate can try what they suggest, just use common sense. sometimes something simple is the answer just hoping for you to find a solution.
  6. anthonyg91

    anthonyg91 New Member

    I just don't know where else to turn. I feel like it's diapers or death. I don't know if this is ever going to go away and I just want to live a normal life.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe just focus on day to day and try not to dwell about the future .

    Know its tough to try to redriect yourself if its causing you to lose hope
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