I'm not sure if I'm entirely at the point where I want to completely end it all, but I'm getting pretty damn close. Basically, I have a couple of disabilities that severely limit certain life skills. (autistic spectrum disorder plus depression, and potential adult ADD...) Because it's all invisible & neurological, I feel as though I'm constantly getting the brush-off because of it. I can't get disability benefits. Going through the process itself is incredibly difficult for me and I'm not getting any help at all for it, so I'm basically left to sink or swim, and it feels like I'm sinking. It's impossible for me to find work that I can actually DO. When I talk to people about how hard it is for me, they either don't know how to help or guilt me about it, saying that I just "have to" do these things or that I "made bad choices." I tend to be the "nice guy" in these situations, so I just choose not to argue with them and keep the frustration in. One of these days I might just blow up on somebody but I just...yeah. I can't talk to my friends about exactly how awful I'm feeling because I once had a few people basically accuse me of being manipulative the last time I mentioned it. The people themselves were going through their own depressions, but it still makes it pretty much impossible for me to talk about the extent of my depression. Right now, I'm just not seeing any way out of this situation. I worry that I'm just going to end up dead anyway because I can't get any damn help, so why not just accelerate the process?!