At my wits' end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by inno, Dec 7, 2010.

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  1. inno

    inno Member

    I'm not sure if I'm entirely at the point where I want to completely end it all, but I'm getting pretty damn close.

    Basically, I have a couple of disabilities that severely limit certain life skills. (autistic spectrum disorder plus depression, and potential adult ADD...) Because it's all invisible & neurological, I feel as though I'm constantly getting the brush-off because of it. I can't get disability benefits. Going through the process itself is incredibly difficult for me and I'm not getting any help at all for it, so I'm basically left to sink or swim, and it feels like I'm sinking. It's impossible for me to find work that I can actually DO.

    When I talk to people about how hard it is for me, they either don't know how to help or guilt me about it, saying that I just "have to" do these things or that I "made bad choices." I tend to be the "nice guy" in these situations, so I just choose not to argue with them and keep the frustration in. One of these days I might just blow up on somebody but I just...yeah.

    I can't talk to my friends about exactly how awful I'm feeling because I once had a few people basically accuse me of being manipulative the last time I mentioned it. The people themselves were going through their own depressions, but it still makes it pretty much impossible for me to talk about the extent of my depression.

    Right now, I'm just not seeing any way out of this situation. I worry that I'm just going to end up dead anyway because I can't get any damn help, so why not just accelerate the process?!
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If you live in the US, there are several very good advocacy groups for ASD which you might want to contact...please let me know if you want me to forward any links...also, do you have the proper documentation concerning your health issues? This can make all the difference in attempting to get entitlements...neuropsych, neuro, assessment results, etc? best of luck, J
  3. Chaddiwicker

    Chaddiwicker Well-Known Member

    There's not much I can say except I can relate and I'm sorry you're experiencing pain.
  4. inno

    inno Member

    My therapist does have some. I don't have earlier documentation from when I was younger, because a) most of those records were lost, and b) the rest of those records are with my so-called "family," whom I'm not speaking to, and really don't give a crap about me anyway, so they wouldn't help.

    I've contacted a local person who runs the advocacy group in my area.
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