So Sam how are you doing? I’ve come to dread this question. My friend asked me this a few days ago after I left in a rush one night night without explaining why. All I could do was say, yeah I’m doing okay. If only you knew what I really felt. If only you knew every thought I have is darker than the last, every thought I have is that of suicide. If only you knew I hadn't taken my medication for nearly a month just because I don't see the point, it didn't help me while I was taking it so what is the point in pumping useless medication into my system. But I can’t tell you this, so I’ll just keep on pretending that I’m fine, pretending I can cope. I’ll keep on cutting myself up, burning myself and abusing alcohol and drugs just to try and numb this pain. I’ll try to keep living, to keep this all from you, cos I know that once you know, nothing will be the same for me. I know what will happen; I know who will find out and where I will end up going, they did this to me last time. There is no way I am letting myself go to that place again. I’d rather die.