At my wits ends.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by puttputtnc, Jan 16, 2015.

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  1. puttputtnc

    puttputtnc Member

    I am a medically retired Marine, been thru a lot of crap, moved to North Carolina 10 years ago to be nearer
    to my brothers and better weather, last year unfortunately my wife's son passed from cancer, now she has
    given me an ultimatum to sell my dream house and move back to NH or else, I do not want to lose her or
    the house, I am really pretty screwed up right now.

    Thank You FM NC
     
  2. Ria0331

    Ria0331 Member

    First of all im sorry your having to deal with that. Why is she demanding you move back or loose her?
     
  3. puttputtnc

    puttputtnc Member

    She is going thru her own hell, of losing her son, and wants to be back with family,
    and I understand that, she is a very stubborn woman and will not listen to any other
    options.
     
  4. Ria0331

    Ria0331 Member

    I understand that but she should consider your feelings too. Your health is important too. Maybe suggest a halfway point or something so that you have not horrible weather and she is closer to her family and can see them more often.
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Is a tough position to be in. Unfortunately only you can know what is the best answer for you. Make sure you choose for yourself as opposed to what you think others think should do. I suspect there is more to it than just move to NH or not , as in these things there usually are. It may be possible to rent the Carolina house out for a a year while working out which is ultimately the best for you. Saying "choose me and my family over your dream house and close to your family" is a crappy ultimatum to give regardless of reasons. Hoping for the best for you.
     
  6. DrMike

    DrMike Member

    I'm not American, so I don't know if this is feasible, but if a friend of mine here in the UK was going through the same I would suggest they consider renting out the dream home, whilst renting a place where their wife wanted to be right now, so that their wife could be near her family, at what must be a terrible time for her. I realise that's probably not ideal in a lot of ways, but it could mean you're not faced with losing the house you love in the long run, and has the added bonus of probably being a lot easier and quicker to resolve than buying and selling in different parts of the country. Later on you'll then have the option of returning to your dream home, or selling it, but the decision wouldn't need to be made right now when you're both traumatised and upset, and perhaps not thinking logically.

    It sounds to me as if you and your wife are having a terrible time, and I'm sorry for you both. She needs you at the moment every bit as much as you need her and is bound to be extremely distraught (I hate to imagine what it would be like to lose my son), so although her request might seem irrational/cruel right now, it does have to be taken in context and allowances made.
     
  7. DrMike

    DrMike Member

    Posted at the same time! - I agree with NYJmpMaster's suggestion of renting the house/s, at least initially, later you'll both hopefully be in a better position to decide what's best. From personal experience I would also have to agree with NYJM's comment about choosing for yourself and not being forced in to anything, my personal experience is giving away something very precious for the sake of another person's desires, however much you love them, is not always the best thing to do. Having time to think on it is important, don't be rushed.
     
  8. puttputtnc

    puttputtnc Member

    We are now only 14 hours driving time from NH, and I have told her that
    I would fly her back, as often as she wanted, the bottom line is she wants
    to live back there.
     
  9. puttputtnc

    puttputtnc Member

    Thank all of you for your replies, they have been very helpful.
     
  10. puttputtnc

    puttputtnc Member

    Right now, she is making decisions on emotion rather than logic.
    I have begged her to seek a support group to help her deal with
    her grief, so far she has not
    I have been told that important decisions should not be made for
    at least a year after the loss of a loved one, I believe, that to be very good advise.
     
  11. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    is there no way you can keep the house as like a holiday home? or keep it while she gets better but go with her at same time and not sell?
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I wish the best for you and know you are not alone.
    It's a sticky situation you are in, I hope it ends well for you :hug: Hope is always there. I am sorry for your loss too. :hug:
     
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