At some point you have no cards left to play

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sihuskyzoi, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    And then what? When you can't find a job with insurance benefits, your apnea mask is failing, so you can't sleep but you can't afford a new mask, and the car... which you don't own... but has been in the shop five times in a month, is now dying while driving again... and you are still awaiting pending legal charges.... but can't afford an attorney... When you run out of money, and have no cards left to play.... what are you waiting for exactly? At some point, you have no choice but to give in and give up. I was here 15 months ago... lost job, vehicle blew up... Here I am again. I'm just so tired of fighting an uphill battle. And alone. Always alone. My dad must be screaming from the grave at what a worthless p.o.s. I've turned out to be. All their sacrifices, all that schooling, just can't fix a broken head. The last of my defenses are slowly failing now, and I have no cards left to play. And instead of being scared, I feel such relief. I'm so tired.
     
  2. shub11

    shub11 Banned Member

    Feel so sad about your situation ..I can see my future in your present ..do you have a family to support i mean kids and other?
     
  3. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    No life, no kids, no partner, no pets. That at least is a good thing. I can walk away without those attachments. It makes the decision easier I think.

    I feel bad about hurting my friends. Been working hard to retreat from them the last couple of months.
     
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in such pain. I'm sorry that your situation seems so negative, with so many problems.

    I hope You'll stick around here and keep posting. There are a lot of people here who have faced dire situations.

    I have found that for myself, when faced with multiple issues, I have to take them one at a time, focus on the most pressing one first.

    We do care, and we can offer you support and encouragement.
     
  5. shub11

    shub11 Banned Member

    Sometimes I feel why so many of us on this earth have to suffer so much ..... Why 1% of the people on the earth own so much wealth much more then they are ever gonna need. Why esssential services like healthcare is paid Why ? Why cant everyone be happy and feel secure .....
    @sihu is there anyway that you can get a good job ?
     
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Start out with any job. It may seem counterintuitive, but it's easier to get a job when you have a job.

    If there is a specific field you want to work in, take some classes.

    Some fields will have conferences with a selected speaker, you may make some connections there. Be sure to add that to your resume.
     
  7. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    I have a masters and was a practicing LCSW until a few months ago. I was fired after rocking the political boat. Haven't had any luck at all. Have some part time work, but its barely covering the rent. Bill collectors call daily. Can't make my credit card payments. Savings depleted by car payments ($1800 left), and vehicle repairs. Don't even know where to start. Just feel so overwhelmed by it all. Can't conceive of getting through or beyond this. And if I did... would I just end up right here again in a few months? That would be true to form for me. I'm so tired of this.
     
  8. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    I had a few moments of sanity and hope and was researching the option of living/sleeping in my jeep when my lease is up. Today, the weird shifting in the keep worsened. Definitely transmission, which I can't afford to fix. And for all my whining and pessimism... it is in fact working out exactly the way I said it would. The hits just keep on coming. It's not possible for me to win this fight. Not by a long shot. I somehow feel better when I get closer to concluding that I'm better off gone, and capable of making that choice.

    You know what I will miss.... books. There's so many out there I still want to read.

    Weird, huh.
     
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