The past week has been a very emotional up and down week. I have gone from depressed to severely depressed and pissed at the world. This life does not want me to be a part of it, if it did why does it continue to throw things at me that I am not emotionally stable enough to handle? Yea, everyone says that I am a strong person, but right now I feel like about the weakest person in the world with no control over anything in my life, not even my SH issues. If I take a good look at my life, I don't have any control over anything, not my emotions, my weight, what is going on in my head, nothing. So why do I continue to put myself through another day of waking up just to have to face this all over again? Why can't I just not wake up one morning because something has cut off my heartbeat and breathing? All I want to do is to pull something out of my night stand and just end it. If I were to do that would it even matter at this point? I mean what really is the point anymore when I am on a time frame anyway. If I stick this out, for the few that actually do care they have to see me struggle even more then I am right now which will hurt them. To leave this world no one watches me struggle and it all ends now instead of later. I'm tired of hurting, of hurting myself, of being in a world that doesn't seem to want me to be a part of it. So I guess the only thing that remains is do I go on my term or the world's terms? I would rather go out on my terms. I do not think that I can do this anymore, I'm tired and I just want peace.