*Sigh* So here I am again. Sitting at the computer, knife sitting on the desk, staring at the blade wondering if todays the day... I hate my life. I know alot of people say that, yet don't really mean it, I'm not one of those people. What also pisses me off, is people who have the slightest thing go wrong, that doesn't mean a thing in reality, but go on to claim their life sucks and it's the worst problem in the world. My life story basically goes like this. When I was in 6th grade, my parents split up. My mother was a heavy drinker and would argue with my father until one night my dad lost his cool and started hitting her, with me and my younger sister watching on. Me being protective, getting inbetween him and ripping his shirt after he went charging at her a second time. This essentially forcing me to mature faster then normal, as my mum moved out and my dad working 8am - 6pm, I had to take care of me and my sister. My older sister got involved with the wrong people, and heavily involved in drugs. Rehab 4 times and kicked out everytime for having drugs on her. She's now engaged, and has a daughter. She hasn't changed and still drinks and does drugs, which is depressing as her daughter is beautiful and I feel her life will be ruined by her parents habbits. Me. Well, I put others before myself too often, and ignored my feelings to ensure others were happy. Now, I don't care either way, if others are happy, or myself. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm made fun of based off apperance, get called emo, have people picking fights with me, over how I look, or act. I just want to be left alone, but people can't seem to let me walk by without making comments. I've self harmed since 8th grade (2002 until 2007) had counselling during school, telling them I'm suicidal, my parents didn't care at all. I have little to no social skills, I avoid conversations because I feel I have nothing to input into the conversation. I give few word answers and walk off, to do my own thing. I live alone, in a big empty house. 99% of my time is spent in these four walls, and it feels like they're closing in on me. I want to get away from everything, and just be at peace and I feel the only way to do that, is to finally go through with it... Sorry for the rant.. I just needed to get things off my chest and probably should have put this in members diaries. I hate myself. I hate my life. Maybe tonight I'll finally be able to do something.. that I've failed many times before at doing... - Kristopher.