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At the breaking point.

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I really don't know if I can do this anymore. This constant feeling of self loathing. Not understanding why people care about me, and yet desperately needing them too, even though I know I don't deserve them. I want to scream, to tell someone. I know I can't do that. I don't really want anyone to know how close I am to the end. I have already hurt them so much, I can't stand the thought of being the cause of more pain. I can't get anything right.
These people, they think they know me, think they like me, some even think they love me. But I don't even really know who I am anymore, so how in the hell do they love me? Why do they even bother, when all I do is hurt them. Never intentionally, I just feel like I destroy people. I don't know what to do anymore, what to say, or how to keep on living. I don't want to anymore. I'm just so tired of this mental battle raging in my head. The constant thoughts of how much I hate myself. I just want it to all be over and done with. It's been 10 years, and nothing ever seems to get better, just band aides over a bullet wound. I'm sick of hearing "Just give it time to get better". 10 years is damned long enough.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
i hear your pain i do and your sadness hold onto those friends those ones that do love you okay let them be your strength when you not any. hugs
what makes you think that you are dragging people down and hurting them?

I feel like I have a certain amount of love for someone automatically if I think that they are good or innocent. and I especially have love for people who I think are good or innocent who have suffered unfairly.

so I think it is possible to love someone even if they don't love themselves or understand themselves

do you want to talk about why you hate yourself and feel suicidal?
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