I really don't know if I can do this anymore. This constant feeling of self loathing. Not understanding why people care about me, and yet desperately needing them too, even though I know I don't deserve them. I want to scream, to tell someone. I know I can't do that. I don't really want anyone to know how close I am to the end. I have already hurt them so much, I can't stand the thought of being the cause of more pain. I can't get anything right. These people, they think they know me, think they like me, some even think they love me. But I don't even really know who I am anymore, so how in the hell do they love me? Why do they even bother, when all I do is hurt them. Never intentionally, I just feel like I destroy people. I don't know what to do anymore, what to say, or how to keep on living. I don't want to anymore. I'm just so tired of this mental battle raging in my head. The constant thoughts of how much I hate myself. I just want it to all be over and done with. It's been 10 years, and nothing ever seems to get better, just band aides over a bullet wound. I'm sick of hearing "Just give it time to get better". 10 years is damned long enough.