At the edge of the cliff. I want to improve my life, but can't.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lost., Jan 9, 2010.

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  1. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and feel as though i've missed out on my youth.

    Can't hold a job. Zero prospects. Absolutely inept at everything.

    I've gone from semi-charming to an utter social retard who can't hold a conversation without feeling like i'm on trial. I desire friends, but people tend to distance themselves once they discover what a loner I am. It's an aggravating cycle. Girls? Forget about it. I might as well be invisible.

    I've recently become dependent on alcohol. I'm in a constant state of boredom.

    I'm still obviously living at home and my parents (who are quite hard-nosed and don't care to hear about my condition) control every aspect of my life. I want counseling but lack the means.

    I want to enact change, but I don't know how and lack the motivation to do so. My goals and lifeplans constantly change and I don't know who I am or what I want anymore.

    The last time I remember being happy was senior year of high school. I constantly reminisce on those times because I can't take the bleakness of the present.

    The only time I feel somewhat elevated is when i'm making music or boozing, but not even that is taking the edge off anymore. I just don't see my lot improving any time soon, simply because I am too weak and depression ravaged to make it happen. I don't think I have the stomach to watch another birthday go by.

    Please save me from myself.
  2. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    Hello Lost,

    Good for you to want to improve you life! Do you have any ideas how you might start that?
  3. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Hey there Lost...
    Did you look up the option of being referred to a therapist thru your your doctor?( maybe your medical insurance might cover some part of the payment for some therapists?) ...I think you can do that here with certain therapists....Can you ask your doctor about that?

    I hope things work out! :hug:
    You can always send me a PM if you feel like talking about stuff!
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    1st welome to SF, we have many in 22 & I also desire friends, but people tend to also distance themselves once they discover what a loner I am. It's an aggravating cycle. and you are right.I also live with family where they complitly control me & cant find a job or be success at my college. I tried to change but can pm me any time.
    take care :hug:
  5. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member

    No insurance. :(

    Flat broke and alone in this.

    Thanks everyone.
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi Lost,
    You have us ya know and we care. Between all of us there is nothing you aren't feeling that we have not felt so we can relate and understand how you feeling pretty much exactly.

    You mentioned making music, are you a musician or songwriter? That is good that you have one thing that makes you happy, it is a start as good as any.

    When you feel sad does it lift your spirits?

    When you think back to high school what puts a smile on your face? I say all this because we all have to start somewhere and often it is with small things that bring us joy.

    If it would help you to talk you may write me in PM I am around.

    Do you have any friends now? What do you do with your days? I figured nights are spent boozing it up which can aggravate your sadness so please be careful with that.

    Please write back and let me know how you are doing,
  7. Lost.

    Lost. Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the comradery. ;)

    Yes, I am a bit of song-writer. Music does have a healing effect on me.

    I guess what makes me happy looking back are the usual things like the lack of responsibility and feeling like the world was right in front of me. As well as things such as certain bands and having dreams that i've ceased chasing.

    Perhaps my depression stems a lot from immaturity and an inability to deal with the dull responsibilities of adulthood. I'm a natural idealist and a constant daydreamer.

    I lack any 'true' friends. I'm still in contact with people from high school via things like facebook, myspace, etc. But, they all seem to be moving along in life and i'm hesitant to see any of them offline again. I still have my pride and can't bring myself to let them see just how far i've fallen.
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi Lost, Nice to see you back and hope you are feeling perhaps somewhat better, that is my hope anyhow.

    I know you feel like at one time the world was right in front of you but it isn't right now but I think this is a misconception on your part. Your sadness, pain and depression have clouded your view of the world for now but trust me so much of it and more it still there. I hope that you can see that and maybe we here can help with that as there are many success stories among us.

    If songwriting has a healing effect than I say you write as much as you can. Who are some of your favorites? Cobain I take it one of them from you icon.

    I am not sure why you suggest you lack maturity because you seem mature to me...hell you thanked me and that surprised the hell out of me..seems you have maturity and class. Yes adulthood is mundane in someways but with added responsibilities comes added freedom too-freedom to meld you life into whatever you want it to be.

    You alluded to feelings of having somehow not achieved what you should have in life, maybe you are like me a late bloomer and you are just trying to find your stride, your rhythm if you will. Like maybe once you get the chorus down the rest of the song that is your life will write itself? Sorry for the dumb analogy but think you know what I was trying to say there.

    What would you like to be doing may I ask? Also do you work now, if so doing what?

    Well hang in there and glad to see you back. Thanks for the message too, I am having a bad night and I appreciated it.
    Take care, Bambi
  9. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    If music is your thing then you should continue.

    Writing is mine and it has saved my life many many times. I hope that when you are feeling down and having those thoughts you will turn to it instead.
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