I'm 22 and feel as though i've missed out on my youth. Can't hold a job. Zero prospects. Absolutely inept at everything. I've gone from semi-charming to an utter social retard who can't hold a conversation without feeling like i'm on trial. I desire friends, but people tend to distance themselves once they discover what a loner I am. It's an aggravating cycle. Girls? Forget about it. I might as well be invisible. I've recently become dependent on alcohol. I'm in a constant state of boredom. I'm still obviously living at home and my parents (who are quite hard-nosed and don't care to hear about my condition) control every aspect of my life. I want counseling but lack the means. I want to enact change, but I don't know how and lack the motivation to do so. My goals and lifeplans constantly change and I don't know who I am or what I want anymore. The last time I remember being happy was senior year of high school. I constantly reminisce on those times because I can't take the bleakness of the present. The only time I feel somewhat elevated is when i'm making music or boozing, but not even that is taking the edge off anymore. I just don't see my lot improving any time soon, simply because I am too weak and depression ravaged to make it happen. I don't think I have the stomach to watch another birthday go by. Please save me from myself.