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At the end of my Latin.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Escapist, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    Hello, all.

    Well. I'm not sure anymore, I don't think, i'm allowed to love anyone. I've done some horrid things in the past which were stupidly enough all done because I wanted to be loved, wanted. Be part of someone's life. What made me hunger for such, you ask? I never received an inch of love from my parents, I got treated horribly together with my brother, by them. x_x

    Though no one understand what such things do to you. The anger and hatred I have for the past, made me hurt the one I fell in love with.

    I can't take it anymore, not being believed and my past being entitled as nothing but a bunch of lies, and since that's the freaking origin of everything THAT happened. I feel forced to give up, I am not allowed to be with her. She deserves better.

    Though, stupidly enough I now have nothing where I'd like to live for anymore. I've come to understand that people are horrid selfish beings. We only care about ourselves when we are hurt. Other people wouldn't understand the pain you've been through. Yet they claim to know it, say they know it better, yet have no second of experience being there.

    I'm exhausted of life, it has weared me out. I'm always told that I am selfish, or don't think of others. While I actually do. My EX wanted to move on, she can. She has been able too, for so long already. Yet I get blamed for keeping her here?

    There is only one positive thing in my life and that was her, and even from her I get two different things. I can't take this anymore, I haven't asked for a life to begin with. Especially since I wasn't even in my parents schedule. I have no energy to live with anymore, i'm drained completely. Even living a day to it's fullest is nearly impossible.

    I'm sorry.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2010
  2. Jeff481

    Jeff481 Member

    I don't know your pain. I know none but my own. To me it sounds like cutting ties with your past may be your best option right now. Remember though your brother went through this to, be there to support him. Take a few days for yourself, maybe see a movie, look at some art, hole up in a hotel room, whatever it takes to recenter yourself.Look hard and deep for something to live for. Once you find it hold onto with everything you got. Be safe.