I really didn't know where else to go with this. I have so much on my mind. I guess I'm depressed. I never wanted to admit it but I know it to be true. I wake up and have suicidal thoughts almost every day. It usually dissipates after an hour or so, but some days not. I'm just wishing I could fall asleep and not wake up. I have a dilemma. I need a significant other in my life to be happy. I know ones happiness shouldn't depend on another person, but mine does. I had a girlfriend for a long time and that's when I felt ok. We were together for 6 years and lived together. Now it's been just me for almost 4 years and I haven't met anyone new. I haven't had any physical human contact in so long. I don't even mean sex. I just want a hug. I forget what it's even like to feel that happiness. But I don't wanna put that pressure on another person even if I did meet someone. It's not fair for them. It seems like I'll only meet someone if I am already happy, but my happiness depends on meeting someone. I just can't be happy alone. I honestly feel like suicide would be a good option, but I don't even feel motivated enough to go through with it. I doubt I ever would, but I definitely think about it consistently. Thanks for reading this. If anyone has suggestions on how to feel ok I could really use them.