At the end of my rope

[Fitzy]

I don't think I can go on anymore. I am so sick of of having my feelings ignored and trampled on like they/I don't matter; of not even being allowed to cry; of being expected to take responsibility for everything; for having to always put others first, drop everything and not have a life so that others can have whatever they want

Death would be my preferred option but I really couldn't face the recriminations if I fail - an intensification of trampling on my feelings and denying that they are valid. The other option that I have is to literally run away. I am broke but will soon receive about £10,000 and I'd just like to take myself away for goo. Trouble is I'm too scared and it isn't a lot of money so what do I do when it runs out? Can I really be callous enough to leave my daughter behind? (She's 30 - not a child - I wouldn't be abandoning her) She is part of the proble - she sponges off me (to the tune of thousands); is selfish and demanding; is totally self-absorbed; lies constantly; doesn't help in the house; takes no responsibility for anything; laughs or yells at me if I start to cry and is generally a nasty little madam. Except I love her because she is my daughter. But then again I hate her.

I am fighting to not self harm - my methods are kept well away.

If I run away, I will still be me and have to live with the me that is worthless and useless and that I hate so much. I can't live with myself - I'm disgusting.

It's death then, isn't it. So I have to do it properly. Off to sort it out.

Bye all and thanks for all the support I have had xxxxx

 

[may71]

Fitzy,

please don't hurt yourself!

I wonder if you would be able to get some disability payments? I think that you would likely be eligible.

I think that it would be great if you could work things out with your daughter so that your relationship is better, but I don't think that you have to make yourself a martyr for your daughter's sake.

If she is pushing you to the point of wanting to commit suicide, then I think that it would be a good idea to break off your relationship with her.

Maybe she could stay with someone else? If not, your obligations as a parent are done. Maybe you could give her notice of when she has to leave. Maybe 90 days? That seems like plenty of time for her to make arrangements for herself.

If she is nasty and intolerable, kicking her out immediately would be justified

I hope that you can get through this. I think it's ok to think about yourself. This is especially true when you are dealing with someone who is nasty, abusive, and selfish. Telling her to get out right away might be in order.

 

[total eclipse]

hun i know what it is like to be at the end of that rope please hold on okay
i have one of my own that attacks with word and hurts but in time they grow understand how much we do mean to them please hang on okay you are loved and appreciated she just does not know that yet hugs

 

[Fitzy]

Hi May and Total Eclipse

Last night got worse but then it got better. My daughter and I did a lot of shouting and yelling - which didn't help but we have decided that family therapy would be a good idea. I went to my GP today to ask for a referral - she agreed that it would be a good idea.

The yelling did help me get a lot off my chest and I also listened to my daughter's point of view. It isn't going to be easy but I feel as though we have started something positive :stars:

 

[hollowvoice]

glad you made the step of getting a referral today fitzy just think this could be the day life changed for the better small steps can turn into large leaps

and you listened to your daughters point of view ?

you listened to a womans point of view???

theres a sexist joke here somewhere but i wont lol

take care and good luck fitzy

 

[total eclipse]

that great news way to go Fitzy i to have got councilling seperate though from my duaghters but she has help too in time i hope you and your daughter can get some peace hugs

 

[may71]

I feel as though we have started something positive :stars:

:stars: :stars: :stars:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[IV2010]

well done fitzy for getting some family counseling..
i hope it helps your daughter to settle down and let you live a peaceful existance..
it's not fair how she's been treating you..*

 

[Fitzy]

glad you made the step of getting a referral today fitzy just think this could be the day life changed for the better small steps can turn into large leaps

and you listened to your daughters point of view ?

you listened to a womans point of view???

theres a sexist joke here somewhere but i wont lol

take care and good luck fitzy

I'm not quite sure why people on here seem to think I'm a bloke. I'm not - I am a 52 year old woman.

 

[Fitzy]

Just when I thought I could survive I have had the rug pulled out from under me!!!!!
I was due a sum of money today that would help me pay my brother the £4k I borrowed for a deposit on this flat, pay some other debts and would tide me over for a couple of months (it's redundancy money - I have no job right now).
Last night my daughter forced me to commit to 'lending' her some of it; she hasn't been going into work and I'm really pissed off that she is sponging off me.
It gets so much worse!!!!!! My employer has not paid me my redundancy money. I have £50 to my name, can't pay the rent or any other bills. It's 7.45 am and I can't get hold of anyone in payroll. I don't think I can survive. I'm so useless - I must have not filled in a form or something to confirm the payment.
I might as well be dead for all the use I am. I'm such a piece of shit.

 

[Fitzy]

@ HV sorry I forgot to thank you for your supportive comments - my head is all over the place right now!

 

[hollowvoice]

hey no worries fitzy sorry i got your sex wrong dont know why i thought you were a guy i apologise unreservedly

this is really messing with your head your daughter needs to see she cant have what you dont have ie money

i hope your payments get sorted soon

hugs xx

 

[doityourself]

Hi Fitzy,

I know it seems like one day everything is okay and the next its a pile of shit. Take a deep breathe honey, its going to be okay. Get ahold of someone at payroll, explain the situation to them and see if there is anything that can be done to speed up the process.

Talk to your brother and see if its okay for him to wait until you have everything settled.

Im glad that you and your daughter got some of your words out and that the words hopefully sunk in and help eachother know how the other feels. As for loaning money, I know shes your daughter, but she needs to understand that your struggling right now and that its hard enough to keep going that giving her money really makes you struggle. She should show some sympathy and if not then I would tell her to get a job and be an adult that its not easy for any of us right now.

Hope tomorrow is better than today. Hugs

 

[Fitzy]

well done fitzy for getting some family counseling..
i hope it helps your daughter to settle down and let you live a peaceful existance..
it's not fair how she's been treating you..*

We both recognise that we love each other but that we have stuff to sort out. I need to look at my own role in all of this and I'm hoping family counselling will be good for us both.
Thank you xx

 

[Fitzy]

Thanks HollowVoice - no need to apologise xx

 

[Fitzy]

Thanks DIY - I spoke to payroll and then to pensions and then the pensions manager and I cried and quoted the letter they had sent me and explained that I didn't know I was supposed to let them see my birth certificate and that I don't have it and have only got £50 to my name and it takes time and money to get a copy and I can't afford it and can't pay my rent. He relented under the onslaught from an hysterical woman but told me I had to go to the office with my passport. An hour's tube ride later I got him to action it and the money was in my account 90 minutes later. What a morning!!!!
Daughter and I are strggling but committed to our relationship. Big bro continues to wear me out with his lack of interest in anything, selfishness, aggression and drinking. He is going away for a few days on Sunday and I feel guilty that I'm relieved to not have to deal with him for a while. Families!!!!!

 

[Fitzy]

Meant to say that, as I waited at the tube station, I wondered if I had the nerve to slip off the platform and onto the track. Then I remembered a conversation with someone who was late for a meeting because someone who had done just that and how we had talked about how horrible that must have been for the driver and anyone else who witnessed it - I don't want to do that to anyone. Plus - I'm on the Piccadilly line and delaying the service would seriously piss people off!!!!!
I think what I mean is that life is crap but sometimes I am able to cling on to it. X

 

[may71]

He relented under the onslaught from an hysterical woman

ahhhhh... the secret weapon!


hey, I'm so glad that things worked out with getting the payment

you deserve to have some good things start happening in your life, and I hope that they do!

:hug:

 

[peacelovingguy]

Maybe people thought Fitzy was a male nickname - it is a nickname uncommon for women but many women in England will have had them when younger and retain it - besides its just a name for a forum.

Anyhow, back to your issues - you don't mention any help with the rent or so on - no benefits and so on. You are entitled to them - you paid in and now you take some out as is your right.

You got welfare advice groups - plus this redundancy, you need to 'spend' it so that you have £3000 or less in your account - not sure of the exact sum but if you have more the DWP will get all possessive over it. So check the limit and spend before you make any claim - or make the claim and tell them your redundancy is all owed out.

52 is still young - I'm in my late 40s and its only now some things make sense and others I'm still working on. Sure, depression is a blight for you but we really are getting to an age when we will see this condition defeated. Different treatments, meds, things are moving forward and I'm sure that it will be well in our lifetimes we see brilliant strides made in the battle against the enemy.

Glad you made contact with the daughter - but she really ought to providing you with some money for her keep at least. Me and my brothers have moved back at different times - my brother usually kicked out by a women - me, I stayed there as it was cheaper than renting and I worked away a bit. Always sorted a few pounds for the 'keep', especially as your mother cooks for you - cleans the clothes and so on.

Like you I'm the one that will lend money to family - I always get it back though and never big amounts, more like £40 for a night out at most. Have lent more but you know how it is - lend a few hundred get it back in dribs and drabs and it does not seem like a few hundred. I'm lucky in that my siblings are all decent people who I get along with.

If your daughter is working yet not paying you back, that needs another talk at some time - but don't let money cause arguments and bad blood. Nothing worse than falling out with people you love over money. Imagine they died of a heart attack - and your last though is what they owe you!

It is worth lending a small amount of money to anyone - as it saves time getting to know if they are a person who honours debts.

Ten grand is a LOT of money - but its better to spend it here and make the home a bit better - maybe a nice car or something. Like I say, if you are ill for now then its best getting benefits and getting it sorted sooner than later. It is stressful I know but go to some advice centre - you'll get help with the forms and whatnot.

Its worth a bash - disability benefit is not a lot but it pays the rent and gives you enough to live on and pay the bills. With your daughter working or contributing a little - life won't be too bad for you.

And with your counselling with the family - I think that will do a lot of good for you both. With depression we can do with help on relationships which would otherwise be easy and natural.

Best of luck to our girl in the South!

By the way - you could work also if that's more likely to get you feeling OK - but take a break of 6 months on benefit - its your right and right now I think you deserve a nice break.

PS - as for the drunken brother - why do we all have one of those?

Mine is civil though - more just a blunt drunk who might make you cringe whilst he is delighted with his repartee. Never violent or I'd ban him from the home as it happens!

You got to keep a happy home!

 

[Fitzy]

Peace Loving Guy - your advice and comments are much appreciated. The comment you made about stressing over what people owe but what if they die really made me think differently - thank you for that.
I am going to spend some time next week planning my future, which includes LIVING!!!!!
xxxxxx