I don't think I can go on anymore. I am so sick of of having my feelings ignored and trampled on like they/I don't matter; of not even being allowed to cry; of being expected to take responsibility for everything; for having to always put others first, drop everything and not have a life so that others can have whatever they want
Death would be my preferred option but I really couldn't face the recriminations if I fail - an intensification of trampling on my feelings and denying that they are valid. The other option that I have is to literally run away. I am broke but will soon receive about £10,000 and I'd just like to take myself away for goo. Trouble is I'm too scared and it isn't a lot of money so what do I do when it runs out? Can I really be callous enough to leave my daughter behind? (She's 30 - not a child - I wouldn't be abandoning her) She is part of the proble - she sponges off me (to the tune of thousands); is selfish and demanding; is totally self-absorbed; lies constantly; doesn't help in the house; takes no responsibility for anything; laughs or yells at me if I start to cry and is generally a nasty little madam. Except I love her because she is my daughter. But then again I hate her.
I am fighting to not self harm - my methods are kept well away.
If I run away, I will still be me and have to live with the me that is worthless and useless and that I hate so much. I can't live with myself - I'm disgusting.
It's death then, isn't it. So I have to do it properly. Off to sort it out.
Bye all and thanks for all the support I have had xxxxx
Death would be my preferred option but I really couldn't face the recriminations if I fail - an intensification of trampling on my feelings and denying that they are valid. The other option that I have is to literally run away. I am broke but will soon receive about £10,000 and I'd just like to take myself away for goo. Trouble is I'm too scared and it isn't a lot of money so what do I do when it runs out? Can I really be callous enough to leave my daughter behind? (She's 30 - not a child - I wouldn't be abandoning her) She is part of the proble - she sponges off me (to the tune of thousands); is selfish and demanding; is totally self-absorbed; lies constantly; doesn't help in the house; takes no responsibility for anything; laughs or yells at me if I start to cry and is generally a nasty little madam. Except I love her because she is my daughter. But then again I hate her.
I am fighting to not self harm - my methods are kept well away.
If I run away, I will still be me and have to live with the me that is worthless and useless and that I hate so much. I can't live with myself - I'm disgusting.
It's death then, isn't it. So I have to do it properly. Off to sort it out.
Bye all and thanks for all the support I have had xxxxx