At the end of my rope :/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by watersymphony, Aug 18, 2011.

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  1. watersymphony

    watersymphony New Member

    I'm a 27 year old medical student and I have been suffering from depression for several months now. Most of my depression comes from relationship problems that probably stem from growing up in a neglectful and broken family. I've never been able to get into a relationship with a guy who was loving and supportive; all of my relationships have been abusive and they have completely exhausted my body, heart and soul. I no longer even believe that real love exists, and that belief is so painful to me that it feels like life isn't even worth living anymore. I have been drained of all the optimistic and spirit I once used to have, and it is so unbearably painful to live this way that even getting out of bed every day is a battle.

    I don't think anyone I know could even begin to guess that I'm contemplating suicide, much less that I have been for a long time now. Outwardly, I seem like a successful, happy person. I have a lot going for me, and logically, I understand that, but it doesn't help with the emptiness and the pain. If I knew of a way to commit suicide by which I could just painlessly fall asleep, I would have already done it. The only thing holding me back is the fear of the pain and the fear of hurting people who love me. :/
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and many of us live in this duality, seemingly OK outside and holding back the monsters inside...medical school is so stressful, that I am sure it is taxing how you cope...have you thought about looking into counseling at your school? Many medical students find the need to seek support...also, is there someone who you trust, and who cares about you that you can talk is very important for you to have an outlet for how you are feeling...welcome again, and please continue to tell us what is going on for you...J
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Having just finished reading your introductory paragraph, I get a strong sense that you are being super honest. I love the way you spoke your mind..

    Welcome. Welcome to SF.
  4. imyouroldman

    imyouroldman Well-Known Member

    Watersymphony, I can feel, really feel,the words you wrote. They could describe my relationships and their outcomes.

    I can also relate to the people around you being clueless. I guess the one thing that let me get past the fear, is that there is not a soul on the planet who would miss me if I disappered, I don't know if that's blessing or not, but that's how my life ended up.
  5. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Exactly what Alex said, love and admire the honesty. Very sorry to hear how you are feeling...

    Welcome to the forums. <3
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i do hope you have reached out to your colleagues to someone hun and get the therapy you need to pull yourself out of this depression you are in. Get on medication even for a short while to help you deal with the sadness You are right hun not to want to harm others by leaving Treat your depression okay so you can start feeling stronger again hugs
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