At the end

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jill, Nov 25, 2009.

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  1. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    I have finally decided to end it all. I made a promise till Death do us part and I plan on keeping that promise so I have no other option at this time.

    It's been a week since I decided to end it after finding out that the past 25 years of my life have all been a waste of time as far as my marriage is concerned.

    My daughter is an Adult now and has her own life and is no longer dependent on me so I feel less guilt about leaving her.

    I have at least taken this week to prepare for the end. To make sure that everything is in place and there are no questions left to be answered.

    I will finally be at peace and no longer in pain.

    I hope everyone here finds a way to live on.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your daughter adult or not will always need her mother. You killing yourself will only cause her pain will cause her to want to harm herself . Your her mother and she will need you for a long time. Get some help for your depression some coucilling some therapy. Ask GP to give yousome stay strong okay for you and for your daughter.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way...what has gotten you here? There are so many ppl here who understand...please give us a chance...big hugs, J
  4. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    I have moved out of the house and in to a Motel. I will be able to end it here with out the fear of who might find me.
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm so sorry that you feel it must come to this. i can so relate with ya. i've gone the motel room route myself. let me say please reconsider. your daughter will always need her mother. i have a daughter and a son myself and they're almost out of the house. i know how easy it is to believe this is best but it's really not. will you talk to us and share what has led you to this. i would really like to talk through this with you, please?
  6. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    Iwish there were something to talk about. But I have decided to stop talking and to finally be at peace. I know people will not understand but this is my decision and it is time to go. I am trying to wait until after the Holidays so my death will not be associated with Christmas.
  7. Terror

    Terror Well-Known Member

    Yes, that is what I told myself when I felt I couldn't continue anymore. I resorted to the "easy way out" the only thought that would calm me down and that torturing voice that told me it will be OK after I end my life.

    But you know that was very selfish of me; it is not only you that matter, it will not be OK if you stop your body from ever moving again. You cannot end it all you will continue to exist, you will continue to live through your daughter who is you, all of the memories and hallmarks you've have left, that is you who will continues to exist.

    Yes you pain, you hurt, but you are not alone, everybody who knows you pains and hurts too because they don't have the magic wand to make thing better for you.

    Before you come to any conclusions take the time to read my personal experiences:
  8. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    I never thought of it that way. It sounds so true.
    So you do not kill the pain you just give it to somebody else.
  9. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    I am trying to focus on making it thru the Holidays before I end it. I know that I can not expect anyone to understand. This is the best decision for me
  10. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    I am so confused I don't know what to do.

    I am already living in a hotel room, do I go ahead and do this and get it over with or do I wait until after the holidays?

    I don't see a point in delaying it.

    My head tells me to go ahead and my heart tells me to wait. How do I decide
  11. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest


    I don't know what brought you to this point, but with God as my witness it doesnt matter.

    Whatever has happened, HAS indeed happened. That is all in the past, right? I can't go back and change yesterday, and neither can you.

    Can we predict what will happen tomorrow or change the outcome before it even happens? Nope to that one too!

    So what now?

    We live for today. Only for today. Today's problems are enough.

    And what else, we become selfish. REALLY SELFISH.

    We start living for ourselves.

    Screw EVERYONE ELSE. Heck with em.

    Forget what has happened, forget about your boss, your spouse, your kids, your mailman, everyone.

    Now it's ME time.

    We are talking about your life here, right?

    Time to start living, JUST FOR YOU!!!!!!!

    And you can do this. I garuntee whatever problems you are facing werent any worse than mine, and I got thru it....and YOU WILL TOO!!!!!

    Here is what I really want you to do.

    If you have your method with you, call 911, or go to the hospital and take it to the ER and tell the admitting nurse, that unless someone see's you and takes this method off of your hands...well you know.

    Then you will get treatment.

    You see, your brain is currently injured.

    Think of it this way, if you had a broken arm, you would go to the doctors, right?

    Well you have a broken brain. Go and get it fixed. Give yourself a vacation from all of this crap. And, the best part is you will learn coping skills on how to deal with all of this when you get back out.

    It's not too late for you. It's never too late.

    Please, Jill, take care of yourself. much as I want you to love for yourself. Please keep in mind, that the devastation you will cause if you die of your own hands.

    there has to be a younger family member, even your grown child who will one day face a bad situation and think, well Jill did it, so can I.
  12. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    All I know is that I am hurting and I want it to stop NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Then go and get help!!! They will help you with that. WOuldnt you like to live without hurting?

    Then go and get help!
  14. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    Locking me up won't help it will just delay it
  15. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Nope...your thinking is wrong. Not locking you up. Rather starting down a road of recovery.
  16. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    There is no recovery from this my life is over and I do not want to exist anymore it is not worth it. You have to want to live and I don't
  17. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    So your life is not worth it?

    How do you know?

    Sounds like you are projecting out into the future to me.

    I dont think you dont want to live.

    I think you dont want to live they way things are right now.

    I mean, surely you would want to live, if things were different, and better, right?

    Don't you know, they could be?

    And thinking back to the complete and total devastation you will bring upon your family and friends if you do this, why not at least make an effort to try and get well.

    I truly believe you can not be sane, and kill yourself. Our will to live is a normal part of our makeup.

    It is so strong, that in order to get around it, we have to have a mental issue.

    You can lead a happy life. Will there be bad days? Sure! But there can be more good days than bad. You can start enjoying life, just for you, but you have to take that first step.

    Besides, if you are set on doing the deed, why not delay it and see if the help out there works? What have you got to loose, execpt of course your life. Oh and the pain and despair and trajedy and turmoil and misery and anguish and hopelessness and total devastation you will bring down upon all those who love you, including us!
  18. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Now I have to go. If no one else jumps on to help out, promise me, you wont do anything tonight. We can talk again tomorrow, if you like.
  19. Jill

    Jill Well-Known Member

    Thanks for hanging in there with me and for the concern. I don't know what to do I just don't know...........................
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Bill is right; it doesn't always have to be this way.

    I get the impression part of you does want to live, because you're posting here. But you don't want to live with all the hurt and pain?

    There's help out there, and your life is worth it. YOU'RE worth it!
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