I've been dark for the last couple weeks. I haven't been online. Haven't been on this forum or really on the internet at all lately. Just pulling back, isolating. A couple days ago, I was contracted for a job. I immediately swung the other way. My anxiety is cranked up. I'm angry. I'm depressed, but in a pissed off, heighted way if that makes sense. Can't sleep. I had been clean off my pain medication for nearly a month. Now I've relapsed and have been bingeing on them for about a week just to cope. I'm scared. Sometimes, most of the time, I'm just so sick of it all. Sorry if I'm being vague. I'm struggling to put something clear down. I don't seem to have any real "thoughts" right now. Just "feelings". They seem to run from suicidal to anger to deep depression.