At the redline...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nothinman81, Dec 11, 2015.

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  1. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    I've been dark for the last couple weeks. I haven't been online. Haven't been on this forum or really on the internet at all lately. Just pulling back, isolating.

    A couple days ago, I was contracted for a job. I immediately swung the other way. My anxiety is cranked up. I'm angry. I'm depressed, but in a pissed off, heighted way if that makes sense. Can't sleep.

    I had been clean off my pain medication for nearly a month. Now I've relapsed and have been bingeing on them for about a week just to cope. I'm scared.

    Sometimes, most of the time, I'm just so sick of it all.

    Sorry if I'm being vague. I'm struggling to put something clear down. I don't seem to have any real "thoughts" right now. Just "feelings". They seem to run from suicidal to anger to deep depression.
     
  2. LoneleyAndLost

    LoneleyAndLost Active Member

    Thats just feeling.Sometimes we just should let all our thoughts and feelings and be fine with that.
    You should not forced yourself to be happy,force to accept that you are sad and depressed.
    Therapist,hobby,music,sport,socialization..all that helps.
     
  3. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    I wonder if there's any happiness for me. I always seem to swing from dark sad, depressed to angry, anxious, suicidal.

    When I get on the angry side, I try to cope and slow myself down by abusing my medication.
    Mostly I just wish I'd fall asleep and not wake up.

    I should appreciate that I'm working again. But that just turns my anxiety way up.

    I've been trying really hard to work through things. Seeing my therapist, going to group therapy, etc.
    But in the end I'm just so sick of it.
     
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