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At war with my future

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by loudecibels, Apr 22, 2009.

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  1. loudecibels

    loudecibels Member

    Hi everyone, this is my first major thread so I'll try my best to describe what's going on...

    After obsessing with that age-old, twentysomethings battle with what to become in life, I've narrowed down that I'm a fan of life but don't trust anything around me to try anything in life.

    My simple goals in life were just to continue what my parents instilled in me from childhood, which is to basically become a family man and to settle down, enjoying all the things I do now, but in a more positive surrounding. Well, I've been on my own now for 8 years now, and I don't have the motivation to push myself towards any of it. I feel like an observer of life.

    After attending a psychiatrist for some time and being diagnosed with depression and possible Type 3 (?) bipolar DO, I just feel more like life is absolutely absurd.

    I feel like "Why try and fight for things that could fall apart at any moment?" I justify being anti-religious and don't believe in any religion, even though I was brought up Baptist. I snap at friends who I otherwise am cool with a lot of the time (usually produced by built-up hatreds of pet-peeves I have).

    I'm losing hope by the second that there is any real solution to my fears and inactivity.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You said you have been seeing a shrink, but have you tried therapy?? I find my therapist is alot more help than my shrink.. All he does is prescribe meds.. My therapist gets to the root of my problems..It takes time, I have been seeing her for four years..I can see the progress I have made..
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I totally agree with Stranger. Psychiatrists are okay for prescribing meds, but it sounds like you could benefit from therapy, from having someone to talk things out with.
  4. loudecibels

    loudecibels Member

    Sorry I thought that was implied. I've never had a psychiatrist and not had a therapist. To me, my therapist wasn't enough. She recommended long-winded books about everything under the sun on how to get happy, but I couldn't follow that path. I wish I had a therapist that I could just take a retreat with and just lay out everything and have her jump inside my head, but the last therapist I had was easily confused and frustrating to talk with. I just figured maybe I'm a frustrating guy since none of my friends ever knew what to do with me.

    I'd just thought I'd share. I'm kind of scatter-brained about talking about myself and my problems, which is yet another feature to my psychosis that I'd feel better living without.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi....welcome to the forum.

    in reading your last post, about the unsuccessful therapy, i definitely understand this.

    finding a therapist that is a good 'fit', for you, can be difficult. and, if you are depressed, you are going to have less energy, both physically and emotionally, and less motivation for anything, including the search for a good therapist.

    perhaps if you continue to post here, and read around the forum as well, and lean on all of us for support, you will get to a better place, perhaps to find the strength and motivation to take a small step forward.
    pm if you want to talk - and know that we all care. . . .:hug:
  6. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    type 3 bipolar is imaginary, doctors just try to prescribe it to you to make you take medication so they make money.

    they tried to pull that crap on me.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Nathan,
    Sometimes you have to shop around until you find the right therapist. It took three before I found Gina and hse is great..She always asks first thing so whats going on..Then we talk about what I want to talk about..She gives me an occasional flyer to read but has never qouted books to me to read..If you have trouble talking then sit down when you are home and write down things as they come to you.. Then you won't freeze when it's time to talk..I wish you the best my friend...
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