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At what point am I in crisis?

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Madam Mim

Well-Known Member
#1
Because I am very high functioning, how am I supposed to know when things have gone too far and I am reaching crisis point? I have been thinking of suicide since I was about twelve (I'm 25), but more seriously for the last three years. Suicide always crosses my mind at least once a day, increasing every couple of months to completely take over my thoughts and dreams for weeks at a time.

I've got my method worked out, and have actually had everything I need (my suicide kit, if you will) for a year now. I know that Thursday night would be the best time to do it. I just can't work out a location, because I don't want to screw up whoever finds me.

According to the medical profession, these things should make me a huge risk. But I've been living like this for over a year now, never knowing what will tip the scales. So how do I know when I'm in crisis? Seems to me that by most definitions I'm permanently at that point. How do you know when you're reaching crisis and should seek help?

Mim
 

ace

Well-Known Member
#2
i think you're at crisis point now and should be getting help now.I'm all for talking with you etc etc but you need far more urgent care by what you're saying.Can you please do something about it you shouldn't be and don't deserve to live like this.
 

Push

Well-Known Member
#3
I agree the crisis time is now. For me personally if I waited any longer than that I would be beyond the function of saying hey this isn't right, I need help. I think you do need help and soon.
 

doityourself

Well-Known Member
#4
When I start making plans, and actually start paying attention to the little details is when Im in danger. I to have thought of suicide for many of years, but to start preparing and gathering supplies is scary, please reach out for help.
 

Monoka

Well-Known Member
#5
Get the help you need while you are rationally thinking about what is best for you in the long term ie, living.
if you suddenly reach crisis without having the support you need already in place, it will be hard to find the help you need at the time.

Take care.
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#6
I agree with the others that you are in crisis now.. You need to go to the hospital and talk with someone in mental health.. Tell them everything..Including haveing the supplies to do it..Don't wait until you explode and decide to go thru with it..
 
#7
i also have struggled with suicidal feelings over decades.
for me the tipping point comes when i have supplies AND a date set. sounds like you have a date picked out. this counts as a crisis. time to get some more supports in place. let me know if i can help in any way.
 

Madam Mim

Well-Known Member
#8
Thank you all for your replies. It is very difficult for me to admit that I need help, and I am in denial I suppose, but I am rational enough to know that and to admit that all of your replies make sense, and are what I'd tell someone else in my position.

I will try to tell my counsellor, or someone at least, how bad things are. There's no way I could go to hospital - to my warped sense of acceptable behaviour, that would equal failure, and even though it would be the right thing to do, I could never make myself do it. As it is, I skipped my last counselling session, just couldn't go. Everything's just such a mess, and I can't make sense of my thoughts. But I will try to get this sorted. I don't want to kill myself.

Mim
 
#10
Gotta say, the 'suicide kit' is a crisis in the making.

The real crisis would come if you used it.

But just having it is not exactly a positive move. Nobody wants something they need to avoid close to hand.
 

Push

Well-Known Member
#11
I'm very happy to hear that you don't want to kill yourself. I don't know why you think being in a hospital as a failure. If it helps keep you alive I think that it's anything but a failure. At the very least I think you need to go to another counselling session soon. :hug:
 
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