Sorry to keep posting threads. I've got my psychiatrist in a month, and he knows I made a suicide attempt since our last appointment. I'm hoping he'll have some medication fix for me. I'm on 10mg aripiprazole and 50mg sertraline. I want to try a mood stabiliser or ADHD medication or both. My question is, at what point would suicide become sensible for me? I'd like your honest opinions, based on what I say. In case you haven't read my other threads, my story is that I did well at school right up until 18, then up until now (I'm 22) I've crashed at university maths with my mental health issues/possible lack of ability (though I got above average grades for entrance to my degree, and below average degree performance by pretty much dropping out, which only 10% do, so this is an academic decline). Last year, I started the third year of my degree again full time, but came out with only 1/6 of the credits for the year, and with crap grades in them at that. My goals in life are: 1/ to feel happy 2/ to study all 300 (roughly) maths textbooks in my room 3/ to achieve something creatively (e.g. write books, make music, make maths etc) 4/ to earn a decent amount of money 5/ to marry and stay married Thing is, I can't achieve any of these right now, because with my diagnoses (schizophrenia, social phobia, Asperger's, or just elements of all of these) I find things unenjoyable and hard. If the last two years are any guide, I'm going to achieve nothing in life. I've spent big chunks of the last two years pretty much suicidal, lying in bed, not enjoying anything, getting drunk on my own, feeling lonely and wanting friends and a wife, doing unpaid volunteering, failing my way through uni, and smoking tobacco. I haven't really studied maths properly since I was about 17 (or arguably 20, but I'm not sure). In spite of having fairly wealthy parents who say they can keep me off the streets and in food and clothing (if I can't do these things for myself) until they die, I find home life hard, feel that my parents sometimes resent me for disappointing them and leaving them with little choice but to provide food and shelter for me (which means they rarely have friends over because people are scared of me or my parents are scared I'll act oddly) and live in constant fear of future homelessness and starvation. I also live in fear of cancer, with decent reason, because I smoke and drink. I doubt I have a good enough life expectancy to achieve everything I want to (especially considering my smoking and drinking, which I'm finding hard to quit, and which have already probably damaged me hugely). Another thing is that I think achieving all my goals is unrealistic, as you do probably. Unless I get (very, unrealistically) lucky and make millions off two years of work on making music or something, I'll probably be grafting away to earn enough money to get by, come home exhausted every night, and have no time to study 300 maths textbooks. If I just studied 300 maths textbooks, I'd probably know lots of theory, but not have the social confidence/mental health to get out in the real world and get my degree and use the knowledge, so nobody would care and I'd end up hating myself and being frustrated that I was so knowledgeable but nobody cared. That's all assuming I ever have the mental health to attempt even one of my goals. Right now, I just don't attempt any of them (other than volunteering, which is to get references for paid work so I can earn money). I can sometimes be happy, but I'd say the sad times outweigh the good times vastly. Today, I enjoyed my day trip with my family to the beach, but that's a rare occurrence. I might be getting a bus pass soon, so I could do more day trips I enjoyed, but I'd still be carrying all my fears for the future. Also, even if it did make me happy, in some ways, right now, I think I'd rather be dead than be happy with no intelligence or understanding of anything. To actually get a wife, or anyone's respect, I think I'd have to have a fair level of success, which is very hard for me. Forget respect and a wife though, to actually have people not resenting me for being a "scrounger" (if I don't work or contribute anything, then I'd be living off other people's work, and either living off my parents' money or society's money through benefits), I'd have to at least work a 40 hour a week menial job, which is a likely outcome, and I hate that idea, since I have some idea what it'll be like, considering I now do 28 hours a week of volunteering. I think I'd be happy achieving all my goals except for the creative one or the maths textbook one.