At what point...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jpeg1448, Jun 7, 2011.

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  1. jpeg1448

    jpeg1448 New Member

    So this is my first time on any forum like this. Without writing a life story, I will inform whoever reads this I have actually tried suicide one time by taking large amounts of Ativan and Zoloft ( I know zoloft cannot kill you..now).

    One other time I cut my wrist open, Thinking of suicide, but knowing it wasn't going to kill me.

    So the title, At what point,

    At what point is someone judged on being actually suicidal or just wanting attention?

    I think about suicide A lot! Yes THINK about. I never carry out. When I get to the point of sadness that most people do to try suicide, I don't try, I start thinking of every way I can do it and what would be the quickest or painless.
    Then comes the fact that I know if I had a gun and one bullet I would do it. I do not own or have access to any guns so it doesn't happen.

    I feel like making calling out posts on facebook or saying something to a loved one, because it's an urge that i need to say something. Yet I never do. Sometimes people know that I am not well by the way I act or things i say. I never say things like I am going to kill myself, I cant take this anymore, I just want to die.
     
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Look, you're posting this anonymously on a forum devoted to helping suicidal people feel less so. That isn't the action of a person who wants attention. That is the action of a person who wants help or wants to talk to other people who feel the same way. People who understand what they're going through.

    I understand. Your problems are legitimate. Welcome to the forum. :smile:
     
  3. jpeg1448

    jpeg1448 New Member

    At some points I want help because it is a horrible feeling of wanting and knowing that you might hurt yourself. Other times the feeling of sadness and helplessness overwhelms my feelings for wanting help and I start thinking seriously about it and then don't even think about help anymore.
     
  4. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Hey there :hug: and welcome to SF. We all understand where you are coming from and there are wonderful people here that will help you if you reach out PM me or anyone we will listen.

    All the best keep safe
     
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Maybe it’s helpful to see that you and your mind are not working together - the thoughts in your mind want to hurt you; but you yourself do not really want to hurt yourself, but want to help yourself...

    Instead of thinking about suicide, maybe put your attention on taming the mind - starting by watching the mind: Is the mind making me feel good or bad? Do I have to listen to the mind when it is making me feeling bad?…

    There is no need to be concerned about being "judged on being actually suicidal or just wanting attention". Don't let your mind drag you along...

    Wish you well!
     
  6. jpeg1448

    jpeg1448 New Member

    I want to apologize ahead of time for what I'm going to say. Sorry.

    The scariest part is When I get to that point of not thinking about help anymore I know it is possible I could do something. I got to that point about 45 min ago and caved in. I don't know what is and isn't okay to post in this forum. I opened up a small part of a vein and watched myself bleed in hot water for 20 minutes. Obviously I knew I wasn't going to die, but It was okay for me to just watch it.....After watching it for so long I slowly came out of that state of mind. That's when I realized It could be worse, so I am deciding to go get help while I am somewhat stable.
     
  7. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Yes, go get help right now!!!
     
  8. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Fear of your own potential actions is good. That means you recognize there's a problem.

    Could you do something for me? Look up the crisis line for your area, write it down on a piece of paper, and carry it around with you. Do not hesitate to call that number when you need to. Call right now even.

    And put some antiseptic on that cut. If you're going to live to fight another day there's no point in doing it with an infection.
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jpeg, I think you are doing the right thing in going in to get help..Your going to have to get that cut stitched up anyhow..Don't be afraid.. The psych wards in hospitals are usually preety safe.. They have floor techs to make sure you are alright..They can also help you set up support for when you get out..Take Care!!
     
  10. jpeg1448

    jpeg1448 New Member

    It is the new day and I am seeking help. I would like to get the cut looked at but I do not want to be held against my will. I am seeking help through psychologists without the psych ward. To me I think being held and evaluated against my will would be more stressful and just add more problems. I don't know if they can 5150 me for a cut if I don't show any immediate danger to myself. I would have no problem going to the hospital and talking to a Psych there and having him refer me. Just thinking about them trying to place me on 72 hour watch is quite annoying and I am SEEKING help so why would I need an involuntary hold

    When I say hospital I don't mean psychiatric hospital. I mean the ER.
     
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