At what stage in your life did you lose hope and give up?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jamie20m, Aug 26, 2008.

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  1. jamie20m

    jamie20m Well-Known Member

    What was the cause of you feeling so low and down? And do you ever remember a point in your life where you were full of hope and dreams?
  2. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I really lost hope about a month ago after recieving an injury to my testicle(s?) that has left me with little to no sexual interest and makes me feel like less of a man(which I am)

    but the real down turn of my life was something I just posted about in the uncertainty principle forum, before then I was the happiest person in the world(or the potential to be) and had such hope for the future and a desire to live , something you can only experience from having a horribly traumatic childhood and then being free, then a unfortunate incident set me back and mentally I was never able to recover, since then my life has been shit and so many unreal things has happened, it is just amazing I cant believe I am still alive and I cant believe my life could change from 1 freak incident(or 2 if you count the testicle)
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'd prefer not to say what was the initial cause of me feeling so down, but I definitely reached the stage where I gave up hope about a year and a half ago. Since then, I have been on numerous medications ,none of which have worked. I dont remember a time where I had hopes and dreams, I never had much confidence and low self esteem. What about you? :hug:
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I had hope in the wrong things. I had hope that someone would save me from the pain. I had hope in addictions that they might take the pain away. Sometimes I sit and allow hopelessness to engulf me, and I feel slighty relieved. I feel relief when I give up, and being to let go of the pain.
    But I can't seem to move past it, I always breathe back in the pain and the hurt.
  5. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    well ive never really been truly happy. But the first time i really started to contemplate suicde would probably be around late '05 or early '06. I went through a very tragic ordeal in which i know ill never fully recover from. It haunts me on a daily basis.
    But yeah...
  6. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    I gave up when I was 12...but somthing just wont let me go. I just remember when I was a child and I didn't kave these feelings. I wish I was 5 again!
  7. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    I first started thinking about suicide after a traumatic event when I was 14. The effects are still with me and now I have a whole bunch of other problems. I resent that despite the fact that I have a 'good' life, I can't get over how I feel on the inside.
  8. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i gave up hope at the tender age of 6. i had already been through several traumas by 5 yrs old.
  9. Austere Night

    Austere Night Well-Known Member

    I don't think I ever did have hope. I've always just coasted along mindlessly; living in my own head for a long time.
  10. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    7 years old
  11. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Its strange, my depression and suicidal thoughts started right before I started college in August of 2005, which is my join date of these forums. It happened the day before I started college, I hadn't even experienced it yet.

    I know that I am inferior to everyone else, abnormal, I have missed out on so many experiences, a recluse, shut-in. But I've been this way way longer than before I became depressed and I wonder why it took so long for me to become depressed?
  12. happypeople

    happypeople Active Member

    The last time i felt "fine" or atleast close to it was probably 3-4 years ago, even though i wasnt the happiest person back then, i didnt feel like shit all the time like i do now.
  13. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I actually remember when it was that I gave up.
    It was in 9th grade. I was very excited to hang out with my friend Bri. She said she would call me. I waited around by the phone all day. No call. I gave up on people. I think maybe that had happened a couple times, or I was just so excited with such a big let down that I just never recovered. I suppose that sounds silly that I could never recover from that, but I really just never even felt sad about it, I just didn't let myself experience and move on from the full hurt of that. And after that I would just let things pile on.
  14. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I lost all hope at nineteen and was hospitalized after a very close call with my Father's rifle. I bounced back after the hospitalization but at twenty two I found myself planning suicide again. I met a woman (whom I've been with since) at an Emotions Anonymous meeting who is so selfless and well intentioned. She coaxed me into the hospital again where I received ECT giving me tremendous relief from depression and having my OCD and GAD diagnosed and addressed for the first time.

    It is now nineteen years later and the years have been hard, my nerves are threadbare and my abilities to function as an independent adult have declined dramatically. At this time I can't imagine any future scenario with a reasonable quality of life. I hope it is just the depression talking.
  15. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    probably around 15-17 after losing half my family its hard to just get up, and losing faith in my parents and teachers and friends.
  16. I started getting so nervous when I was young, I can't even remember exactly when. But I remember that by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was close to having a mental break. I really do believe that now, many years later. I was just so anxious all the time.

    I can remember one day my mother was lecturing me about something, I can't remember what it was about now, but I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore. It was like the weight was so big, I just collapsed.

    I couldn't hide it from my mother. I had tried for so long, and then I just couldn't any more. I crumbled in to a ball and slid in to the floorboard of the car and started to cry. To weep. I remember my mother just staring at me. Then, she just looked away and kept driving. Eventually, I stopped crying, got control of myself, and climbed back up in to the seat.

    My mother and I never discussed this. She never said a word. I guess that's when I went from being a very nervous person, to losing hope in myself and the world around me. I kind of felt like her reaction meant I was completely alone in the universe. Or rather, completely not-understood.

    I will say I have met some very helpful people in the (too many) years since who have discussed my mental health problems with me. And were more than happy to do so.

    So, even though I don't feel like I can discuss my mental health problems with my family, there are others out there to talk to. You just have to find them. I wish I'd had the internet way back then. Maybe I would have found understanding people to talk to on-line! :smile:
  17. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    around 23 or 24
  18. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Absolutely. For many, it correlates curiously with age.

    When I hit 44, something snapped. A late mid-life crisis perhaps.

    However, I am presently of the strong belief that feelings of hopelessness and especially ideations of suicide are not natural and are caused real pathology of the brain, often clinical depression.

    The thing is Jamie, almost as a law of the universe, everything changes over time, EVERYTHING. Nothing stays the same. With a stubborn willingness to live, people often after a long journey find the right medication and voila. They rediscover themselves, regain hope and even aspirations.

    Neuorosurgeons and doctors who treat brain-trauma victims will tell you to a person: that which is uniquely you is tied to the "wiring," health, and neurochemicals in the brain and how they are received and processed.

    If you have it in you, I say NEVER, NEVER give up.

    On the other hand if you plain want to die and come on here to challenge others to change your mind--that's not a good sign IMO.

    If one wants to live through any variety of pain, then he or she must stop fighting the light. If you want death, it is most assuredly yours for the taking.

    And Jamie, when I see a person constantly "arguing for" suicide on here, I avoid, avoid, avoid. They and I are not after the same thing, namely the continuation of life.

    :smile: John
  19. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Even though the abuse both physical and sexual started when I was 13 I still had hope that I could change the person responsible for it and tried damn hard for over the next 25 years. But it was 8 years ago that I lost hope .
  20. Zee Goat

    Zee Goat New Member

    I lost hope around the time I graduated from high school a few months ago.

    I'm pretty sure the cause of it was the realization that I would never be able to experience the love of another human being.

    So far I've always had great friends who would help me with my depression just by hanging out with me, but now I've moved (literally) away from them (for college).

    I do remember a time when I had hopes and dreams, but that was at least 6 years ago.
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