Atmosphere

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by IANCURTISFAN, Aug 14, 2007.

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  1. IANCURTISFAN

    IANCURTISFAN New Member

    I choosed my nickname and tittle because of how I feel..

    I've had a long history with depression and anxiety. For years I have been taking medication. I have gone to therapy, I have really tried everithing.

    The last year and a half has been the worst of my life. My marriage after 10 years ended. Not that I blame her, Its not easy to live with someone like me all the time.

    We have a 5 year old daughter. I transfered with my job to be closer to her since my ex moved back to where she is from.

    I am about 5 hours away from my family. My position at work demands a lot of myself (I do love my job)so I work a lot. The town I moved in, I dont know anyone and have no friends other than co-workers.

    I have never felt so alone in my life. Today was horrible. I lost the keys to my store, Had to pay 250 to get it re-keyed. I also lost my car and apartment keys, so had to redo those as well. The person I have been going out with, I had to talk to her last night. I have been honest with her from day one. I have not felt "the connection"n with anyone since my divorce, and this girl was really nice, I thought I could give it some time... But after 2 months, is not happening. So I had to break it up.

    I had lost like 60 pounds this year( I was fat), but I have gained 30 of those back.

    Dont know how to cook, Dont know how to do a lot.

    My bills are spiralling out of control. Pretty soon, I wont be able to afford the minimum payments for my credit cards. Divorce really did me in. My stepfather who has been like a father to me was diagnosed with Bone marrow cancer. The prognosis does not look good.

    My parents already had to help me this year so I could manage child support. Not easy paying 800 a month, althought I dont care since it is for my daughter, I am really not able to fit the bills anymore.

    DOnt even have money to go to the dentist.!!

    Music has always been the biggest passion of my life, but lately, I cannot even play.

    I am sorry for going on and on, but I have no one left to tell.

    This is how I feel:

    Atmosphere

    Walk -- in silence
    Don't walk away -- in silence
    See the danger -- always danger
    Endless talking -- life rebuilding
    Don't walk away

    Walk -- in silence
    Don't turn away -- in silence
    Your confusion -- my illusion
    Worn like a mask
    of self-hate
    Confronts and then dies
    Don't walk away

    People like you -- find it easy
    Aching to see -- walking on air
    Hunting by rivers, through the streets,
    every corner abandoned to soon
    Set down with due care
    don't walk away -- in silence --
    Don't walk away

    Thanks.

    J.
     
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Just want to say - one of my favourite songs of all time. I suppose you know about the recent documentary that was released about his life.

    Good luck to you, I hope things start to get better. Keep fighting.
     
  3. Robin

    Robin Guest

    What a sorrowful tale yours is and I am sorry you have to go through this right now but I hope that being able to share your pain here will ease the burden from your heart enough to carry on so that you can celebrate your daughters 18th birthday.

    I think the most important thing right now is to get a handle on your debts, it's fine and noble to want to pay all that money to your ex but if it means the payments will stop in a year or less then maybe you need to re-evaluate how much you can pay, if you cant get a handle on your debts soon you won't be able to pay anything.

    If you are in the UK I would seriously urge you to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau, they can help tremendously with free legal advice about your debts and support payments. If you're not in the UK maybe there is a debt advice organisation in your country?

    If at anytime you feel dejected and low, feel free to post here to garner support for your cause, you'v e done fantastic so far but now is the time to reach out for help.
     
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