Attatchment to Scars

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lakenb, May 7, 2014.

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  1. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    Am I the only one who doesn't want to get rid of her SH scars? For two years they told me what was reality what was a dream, they gave me a place to SH so I didn't expand across my entire body, they told people that I wasn't ok even if I couldn't speak. they became a part of me, the strongest part. They represent the strong addiction I have to SH now, they showed people a tiny glimpse of how I was feeling, they showed that I was resourceful, that I would do anything so I could function normally, they were there for me when no one else was, they and SH were what brought me comfort and lulled my to sleep when people would just walk past, watching as I created them and just acting like they didn't see anything. Now they also represent my strength. They were, and still kind of are, what I would base my reality off of. because they told me every day that a huge tragedy had happened, at first I used them saying "The day I wake up and my arm doesn't look like it's been hacked apart, that is the day that they will be alive and this will have just been a nightmare" well I never woke up, and they help me cope with that. My scars help me, almost as much as the SH helped me. They mean so much to me, and no one understands why I cant just let them go. I know that they are like a branding, barring me from a completely normal life, and I hear that if I was mentally healthy I wouldn't want the reminders of my painful past carved into my skin. But I just cant bring myself to let them go.
     
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way with my trials and the awful memories of what my life was like before I changed. I don't suspect that I will. Although; for a time I was too consumed with my new experiences that I didn't think about them. So in a way I can understand how you feel. Please do not think I am condoning SH or the belief that it is doing you any good. I don't believe that at all, nor is that my intention by replying.
    I don't believe holding onto this practice is a healthy one. Memories can do the same thing. Just my thoughts.

    P.S. As a teen I did SH. I did it to feel alive. I did it to get some kind of relief from the mental anguish I dealt within my soul. There is always a better way. There is no shame in crying, no shame in feeling, and no shame in reaching out to get help. You have my thoughts :hug:
     
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    Nicely put. I have to agree with that. To me, they represent strength bc ive made it through it everytime. But also my vulnerability, the part of me that needs to be nurtured and cared for. They remind be to be nice to myself. Theyre likey babies, they make me feel self love. Pretty interesting how that works
     
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