Not much of a story, but i guess i might have something to share. So, last sunday night I tried. I was so so ready to go. I was certain I wanted to go and that I would not back out. Unfortunately, i wasnt so certain about my method..Didnt have what i needed for my original plan as it was kind of earlier than expected, so surprise surprise it didnt work because of the whole changing plans at the last minute, wasnt really likely to. I'm not going to lie and say I'm relieved or i'm happy to still be alive. Because I'm not. I desperately still wish it had worked. And I had planned to try again the next day. So why am I still here? Well with the help of a good deal of alcohol, I managed to avoid it for another couple of days, then the realisation hit me, of why i can't allow myself to do this. I've realised finally how much it would actually affect the few people who do care. Sounds stupid maybe but thats enough. I don't look forward to living how ever much longer. And its not like I don't still think about it, and wish I could go through with it, all day, every day. But it will hopefully stop me from acting on it. Because i don't want to cause that. I guess i'm sharing this because I hope in a way, it would help someone else to realise. I still have no idea why it would hurt anyone, why they would care or why it should affect anyone at all...but I do now realise that it would. And for now, that's enough.