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Attempt and realisation to share..

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by kindtosnails, Nov 21, 2006.

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  1. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Not much of a story, but i guess i might have something to share.

    So, last sunday night I tried. I was so so ready to go. I was certain I wanted to go and that I would not back out. Unfortunately, i wasnt so certain about my method..Didnt have what i needed for my original plan as it was kind of earlier than expected, so surprise surprise it didnt work because of the whole changing plans at the last minute, wasnt really likely to.

    I'm not going to lie and say I'm relieved or i'm happy to still be alive. Because I'm not. I desperately still wish it had worked. And I had planned to try again the next day. So why am I still here? Well with the help of a good deal of alcohol, I managed to avoid it for another couple of days, then the realisation hit me, of why i can't allow myself to do this.

    I've realised finally how much it would actually affect the few people who do care. Sounds stupid maybe but thats enough.

    I don't look forward to living how ever much longer. And its not like I don't still think about it, and wish I could go through with it, all day, every day. But it will hopefully stop me from acting on it. Because i don't want to cause that.

    I guess i'm sharing this because I hope in a way, it would help someone else to realise.

    I still have no idea why it would hurt anyone, why they would care or why it should affect anyone at all...but I do now realise that it would. And for now, that's enough.
  2. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    hey hun,

    thanks for sharing your story, i am glad you are still with us... it means alot to someone who doesnt know you, to read this.

    Its great for you to be able to share it with us, because maybe you might have helped someone and not even know it...

    love BP
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ah me little blueberry muffin, so glad you're still here:hug: :hug: :hug:

    Sorry I haven't been much help lately.
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    BB it's fantastic news that you stuck it out and didn't go ahead with your plan,I know how much pain you're in and how hard life can be and you do your utmost best to fight every living moment you're here.You're exactly right about people being hurt if you were to go even us who have never met you on these forums and I mean it.
  5. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    huh..didnt expect anyone to reply to this..:unsure:

    BP..yeah that was the intention, i think. thanks.

    dev.. umm what do you have to be sorry for? you've got a lot going on and im not exactly the best at accepting help so that be my fault. besides i figured id stick around and bug people mwahaha. :smile:

    ace..thanks. not sure i agree but thanks.
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad to be bugged anyday. :laugh: :laugh:
  7. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    guess thats good to know :tongue:
  8. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    thank you for sharing.
    your realisation is the same thing that has kept me alive too i think.
    knowing how much it would hurt others that i cared about is too hard to even think about.
    i wish you good luck in being able to stick it out.
    things will get better. they have to. there is only so far down you can go before you start heading back up again.
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