Attempt failed , has been delayed

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by White Dove, Aug 4, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well my plans to attempt it for the last and final time and to finally succeed in it has failed, or rather been delayed one week.. guess thats okay cause i can at least get to see the demolition derbies at the cookeville fair.. and indiana creek campground is only about 30 miles from the fairgrounds so i guess i will camp and come to the fairr and then go back to the campground.... perhaps fish during the day , and watch derbies at night..

    Younger brother had a car wreck... some dumb guy talking on cell phone hit him head on while he was stopped at the stop sign.. seems the guy was turning in the road and was talking on cell phone and not paying attention and his truck went right upon top of my brothers chevy , broke the grill and bent the hood really badly.. brothers okay but his car isint..

    My attempt will be carried out .. IT IS JUST DELAYED 1 WEEK , AND 1 WEEK ONLY...
     
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: Delayed permanently I hope...
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no , just one week or two weeks at the most , no more then two weeks... will not get to see september , well at least thats my plans anyway.... and to make sure i guess i will turn my cell phone off and that way i cant be reached , but it has just been delayed..

    how is that saying go?

    DELAYED THE INEVITABLE???

    But yep... i see no reason of staying here, no whatsoever.. im dying anyway so whats the point? if i stay i will get worser , everybody knows that.. you dont get better with cancer, YOU GET WORSER SO I KNOW IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER..

    All the other times i had attempted it i did not have something that was gonna kill me anyway , but now i do.. im dying anyway and i will get worser..

    YOU KNOW THAT... YOU HAVE SEEN PEOPLE DIE WITH CANCER, AND OTHERS HAVE SEEN WHAT CANCER DOES A PERSON , TO THEIR BODY.. YOU KNOW I WONT GET BETTER, EVEN I KNOW THAT.. SO BEFORE I GET THAT WAY, IM ENDING IT.. SORRY BUT THATS JUST THE WAY I FEEL... AND TO THOSE THAT DO NOT BELIEVE ME THEN LET THEM GO ON AND THINK THAT WAY.. I DONT CARE ANYMORE WHAT THEY THINK.. ITS THE TRUTH AND I CANT STOP IT, BUT I WISHED I COULD BUT I CANT , ITS GONNA KILL ME.. ITS GONNA TAKE MY LIFE AWAY , SO I AM DOING IT BEFORE I GET THAT BAD OFF..

    If anyone wants to come and see me then theyd better do it now before i end it cause after i take that step , i cant be revived , after i do it , they have no choice but to see me in a coffin... its coming.. i cant stop that... its gonna take me anyhow so i chose to take it myself... on my own time...sorry but thats just the only way i see it...
     
  4. my brother, I strongly feel your pain, although I am not a cancer patient, I am suicidal aswell, but I just hope that unlike me, you have a light at the end of the tunnel, a bright side you can turn to, a reason for living, please before you try to ake your own life, I wish you would do me a favour and look around you for something you can do to make you feel better, something that will make your death peaceful and clean, natural, whenever you are in pain my brother, I will be beside you sharing it with you, I promise...
     
  5. Mike Meyers

    Mike Meyers Member

    White DOve hasn't had any activity here since August 10th. She has terminal cancer. Does anyone know what happened to her?
     
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i got delayed again...

    I did go camping and planning on going camping again real soon but not making any plans or telling anyone where i will be camping at.. i will just go....

    I did get put on hospice and even got a little handbook on dying and the dying process and how and what to expect when my body starts shutting down and when my spirit starts to leave my body and a whole bunch of other stuff... seems they know a lot about dying and i get free pain meds with them.. even made me a doc appointment which is also free , etc

    i guess its to help me go through the death process easily , but i know i will have a lot of people by my side , they have chaplins ( which i think i get to use Bernard . B. who is my current minister ) dont know about A.W. havent ask him yet , dont know if i can have 2 of them.. i got more then just a chaplin.. i will have a doctor ( ocologist ) a home nurse , a social worker and volunteers , a whole bunch of people..

    I would have liked to have at least seen Elaine and David cause i thought so much of them and at least gave them a hug for the last time , but that wont happen and i have come to realize that.. my spirit will be troubled but at least i tried.. i did my part.. rather they truly cared or believe it or not thats them , but they will know when they learn of my death.. I am asking God to remove them from my life and my heart for good cause they dont care , never did.. i did all i could do..

    That little handbook is neat though.. it tells about spirits staying or holding on due to an unresolved relationship , well i hope and pray that i can , that my spirit will let go and i know it will if i can get God to help me put the Daltons out of my mind and heart for good.. Theres no use in me trying to make peace and fix that relationship that i so cherised when they are unwilling to make peace with me... perhaps its just their way or thinking.. but i have not got much time to think about it cause my life is ending , so my prayers now are to completly block them out ( even though i loved them so very much ) and hopfully my spirit will do the same and release from my body easily..

    i know this sounds strange to most but believe me if your confused call a hospice and ask for that little handbook they have.. it tells all of what happens not only to your body but to your spirit also and like peanut said it is only a passage from this life to the next and peanut i think i will be ready....
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You are exactly right Susan. And God will make you ready for when it is your time to join Him :hug:
     
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    :hug: love you peanut :hug:

    You have really been a big help to me and i hope that if i get to go out to the M.D. Anderson cancer center in Texas then maybe you can come visit me???

    would really like to meet you..

    love you :hug:
     
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    I am a sister ..

    I think i know what caused my cancer was me taking the overdose and most of it staying in my system before me getting to the hospital so basically i did succeed in taking my life anyway.. it was just prolonged out and now i have to suffer the pain...

    I dont want you sharing the pain.. i do not wish this on anyone and if i could i would take everyones pain away...

    :hug:
     
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Would be pleased and happy to visit you Susan :) I hope you can come out here too. You are not the only one who has been helped by our talks. You are a wonderful soul and I would love to talk with you in person and help you through your troubles :hug:
     
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