Attempt Failed

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by White Dove, Sep 10, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Attempt Failed

    Well my attempt has failed me. I went camping with every intention of doing myself in. Took it all with me. Set up camp, set my tent up. went swimming at the beach area then came back to my tent wrote out my suicide note and started taking pills , don't quite know how many I took but fell asleep only to be woken up by my brother and nieces by them putting water on me. they would not let me go back to sleep ( grrrrr ) but they keep my awake for the longest time. Now they had planned to surprise me that night , but I think I surprised them back by trying to kill myself again.. well anyway they kept telling me they loved me and all that bunch of bull. I was just so ticked off that they stopped me and flushed all those pills I had saved up down the commode at the bath house , now I got to go through all that dang trouble of getting more saved up to do it again... ( grrrrrr) or at least that Friday night I was so mad that was what I was thinking.

    Well come Saturday morning and I was still awake cause my brother would not let me sleep , well that night they had singing competition and my niece Kim asked me to sing with her , so I tried it and liked it , so we sung about 3 more songs then after that they announced the winners and I bought fell out of my seat when I heard them announce we had won. That changed me inside somehow??? Cant really explain it but all my life I have ever wanted to do is sing and now I sung with my niece and won best of the show and have a trophy to go with it.

    So for now I am still alive and kicking. And what is so cool about it is the stage is just like hee hall from Nashville and the guy who plays at heehaw comes there every single Saturday night to play music and they asked me and my niece to come sing every Saturday night as much as we can and that a guy from a record company is suppose to be coming down to hear us sing. they said we sing really good and have a really good voice for singing. said I sound like juice Newton and some say we sound like the Dixie chicks and others say we have a sound all our own that is just great.

    You know what would be great is if I was able to get a record deal. That would be totally awesome but weird also cause I am dying of cancer yet I got the chance to do something I have always wanted to do and that is sing.. If anyone ever gets the chance come to Indian creek campground and hear me sing on Saturday night. I go by Susie Q and my niece goes by her name Kim. We will be singing there every Saturday night until I can no longer sing or get around.

    Don't know why God allowed this to happen????

    Perhaps he wanted to give me something to live on for but either way I am so glad in my heart for the first time in my life I am able to do something I love. A job that I love that could let me get a single put out. Maybe I can get one cut before I die. Something for others to remember me by , if I do like I had made a promise a while back to two people. if I do make a record the first one will be dedicated to the Daltons. Some of you may ask why?? dedicate it to them?? well even though they hurt me I have forgiven them, even though they left without even saying anything to me , without writing to me , without calling knowing how I felt about them , Without helping me to ease my mind some. even though they hurt me I still love them. They had their beliefs about me and believed I did some things which I did not do but my niece did and I know that she will admit it someday and I have talked this over with God and cried many tears , And its in his hands now. He will deal with it on his terms and in his way.. The Godly thing to do is forgive and forget and with Gods help I can and will. It is gonna be tough because every time my dads b-day rolls around I will remember it is also elaines and every time my moms rolls around I will remember it was davids also..

    That's the toughest thing for me to do but it is what God wants me to do. My love is not worthy of them... They are not worth it to me. They are dead to me , just like the world is dead to me. I still love them and probably always will and if God has plans for me to at least make one record and dedicate it to them then I say im ready God. You have interviewed in my life many times to try and stop me from taking my life but using others and now you have given me my dream. my dream to sing in front of others...

    Well , im here... If you ever get a chance to come to Tennessee to Indian creek campground , come on Saturday and listen to me sing, cause I will be there until I pass away from this cancer... and I apologize for the angry cuss words written here a while back... I also apologize if any got worried about me. if you did i hope you can forgive me. when i left here i had every intention of killing myself but got stopped again.. something always interfers or comes up guess it is destiny or something out of this world but whatever it is , it has stopped me many times so i might as well just live until this cancer takes me. just do things i have not ever done because sooner or later i will not be able to do these things.

    If anyone gets the chance come on out to indian creek and hear me sing. of all the people there that night who said that we were good must be some truth to it, who knows wouldnt it be great if i got to be a country star before passing away from this cancer.. now that would be something indeed.. Perhaps God has this all planned out for me , well if he does then THANK YOU GOD for this.. For helping me to fullfill my dream of singing in front of a lot of people.... THANK YOU GOD for giving me my dream before taking my life away from this cancer... Thank you God for taking care of things for me and even though i was unable top make the peace with the DFaltons and even though they blamed me for something my niece did i THANK YOU GOD for you will take care of it for me and they will someday know the truth that they blamed the wrong person . THANK YOU GOD for allowing me to see the truth that the daltons are not worthy of my love , that they are not worth it to me and THANK YOU GOD for allowing me to sing and fullfill my dream...
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are finding something positive in your life to live for WD. :hug:
     
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