i made some pathetic attempt last night. and now i feel worse. not because i did it-but because i failed. all ive managed to do is mess up the perople i care about even more. i'm so so sorry to those people, if you're reading this.i dont know where to go from here, i'm loooking at whats left of my *attempt* and i just want to do it again. someone said to me this morning "you cant keep going on like this sam" yep-they are right. but i am so far down that i CANT see how to get back out of it. i'm probably going to do it again, i can always tell, its just a matter of when i suppose-and how well i do it. im hurting the people i care about, and the people that care about me, and thats killing me more than anything. i am seriously thinking that i am in the way..for some people, not all...whats pathetic is these people are the people i care most about. so, manybe i should it over with? someone is blaming themselves, its not their fault-the decision to try is mine at the end of the day, no matter what has made me feel like it. i want to stop their hurting. and i cant-the only thing i can think of doing is to hurt them, badly, now-and then it's over with. im gone. they can get over it eventually, and get on with things. sorry, started to ramble :?