i made some pathetic attempt last night. and now i feel worse. not because i did it-but because i failed. all ive managed to do is mess up the perople i care about even more. i'm so so sorry to those people, if you're reading this.i dont know where to go from here, i'm loooking at whats left of my *attempt* and i just want to do it again. someone said to me this morning "you cant keep going on like this sam" yep-they are right. but i am so far down that i CANT see how to get back out of it. i'm probably going to do it again, i can always tell, its just a matter of when i suppose-and how well i do it. im hurting the people i care about, and the people that care about me, and thats killing me more than anything. i am seriously thinking that i am in the way..for some people, not all...whats pathetic is these people are the people i care most about. so, manybe i should it over with? someone is blaming themselves, its not their fault-the decision to try is mine at the end of the day, no matter what has made me feel like it. i want to stop their hurting. and i cant-the only thing i can think of doing is to hurt them, badly, now-and then it's over with. im gone. they can get over it eventually, and get on with things. sorry, started to ramble :?
I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope you can get through this difficult time. At the moment you are upset because you are worrying the people who care about you, of course, but if you complete the attempt you will hurt them beyond belief. I lost a good friend to suicide and it's not just one big hurt that you get over - you never get over it and the hurt goes on. Please take care of yourself. Mozart x
Sam, sweetheart. Ther person is right, you can't keep going on like this. Its perfectly understandable that you can't see a way out. I told you last night that just because i can't be around as i usually am for you and i feel so guilty about that but you can get in touch with me. I gave you my number for a reason. I don't want you to attempt again neither does anyone else, we all just want you to be safe. If you feel like your gonna do it again then you NEED to get yourself to hospital for your own safety. You need to do it for your nan, you can't hurt her like that hun or your parents. Remember what i said? You haven't seen the grief soemone goes through when they lose a child, like i told you hun i have and its not someone should ever had to go through, its not nice to see, so please don't put your parents through that. You know where i a if you need me. Viks xxx
