attempt? *may be trigerring*

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Xistence, Mar 13, 2008.

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  1. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I don't think it could be called an attempt, but I'm not sure...

    Tonight, I was sitting by myself at church while the other youth were ignoring me, as usual, and I took out my knife. I fiddled around with it for a while, and then I got the urge to cut. I thought about it for a bit, but I didn't want anyone to see. (I don't wear long sleeves) Instead, I moved my watch down and tightened it so I could see the veins more clearly and a feeling of complete hopelessness washed over me. I felt like maybe I should just go ahead and die since nobody seemed to care anyway. I felt like I had no place in this world.

    A part of me was hoping that maybe someone would see me covered in blood and take me to the hospital or something. The rest of me just wanted it to end. I sliced with the knife, but I was too scared to press it hard enough to sever the vein. I cut multiple times, but I could never seem to push the blade hard enough. (must not be sharp enough)

    I don't know if it can be called an attempt or not.. I wanted to die and, in a way, I tried to achieve that.

    Can anyone clarify?
     
  2. ColdSummer

    ColdSummer Well-Known Member

    In my definition this isn't an attempt, if it was I would have attemped 300 times by now. But I know how you must have felt, its no fair being ignored :(
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    why does the definition matter so much to you? it's clear that you are in so much pain right now, and it seems you want to hurt yourself just to stop the pain...

    does it need to be defined as an 'attempt' so that you can get some help? if so, don't wait. you mention hoping someone would notice and take you to the hospital.

    you can get help without an attempt. do you have a therapist? or a doctor? if so, please talk to them. tell them about how you feel. tell them everything. you will be surprised by the amount of people out there who are willing to help. you just need to ask,

    catherine
     
  4. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    I don't know why the definition matters... I guess it makes it easier to say.. idk.
    I kinda feel like I can't be taken seriously unless I attempt or something.

    I go to a psychiatrist, but the next appointment isn't for a while.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2008
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    can you call up the psych and get an emergency appt? it would be a good thing to talk to someone... esp. since your appt is a long way off. and if you are able to get an earlier appt, be honest about what's happening in your head and your heart... they can't help unless they know what's up. they will take you seriously without an attempt, for sure,
    good luck,
    catherine
     
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