Attempted in May

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by GreenChick, Aug 18, 2008.

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  1. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    I attempted in May. It was a serious attempt, in that I wasn't just playing around, I really wanted to die, and it could have been fatal. I wont say what i did, because I don't want to trigger anyone, but if luck hadn't been with me (or against me, depending on how you look at it) I wouldn't be here now. I ended up in the hospital. They made me sign in to the psych ward. That wouldn't have been so bad- I've been there before, but I made ANOTHER attempt IN the psyh ward. Which was pretty stupid, I guess. Well, they found me and next thing I knew, I was committed.

    I had to be screened to be committed for legal reasons, and the guy who screened me was a huge jerk! he yelled at me, and demanded to know why I dared to kill myself, said that "How do you know the afterlife would be better" and said that "You will succeed, and then "hell will be too short" (what does that mean, he wants me to go hell???) and he was a TOTAL jerk, totally made me feel 100 times worse.

    I got out of the hospital in a week, thank God. I just made sure to follow all the rules and keep my head down. I brownnosed quite a bit with the doctors, and said all the right things. I left and felt better for a while.

    Now I'm struggling again. I hurt myself on Friday, didn't mean to die, just sort of an ambivalent gesture, seeing what it would feel like to hurt myself in a certain way. I feel better now though.

    Posting on this and other forums has really really helped me. I wish I had found this forum in May, things may have turned out better if I had.

    Since May, I've had some really good times, times when I'm glad I didn't succeed. I am really glad my mom didn't have to find me dead. That would have been awful for her. I didn't think of the effect it would have on my loved ones. I think in this latest brush with suicide, I have been thinking about the consequences more, including the way it would hurt those I care about.

    I am feeling better, and I'm glad to be on this forum.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your experience in the hospital was so bad. Sometimes we run into people that have no business doing what they are. I am glad to know you feel you can be helped here. Keep posting. We will be glad to reply. :hug:
  3. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    well thankfully you didn't succeed. i'm sorry you had to deal with such a butthead. most really aren't like that. i'm glad also you feel you can chat here. keep sharing as you would like we'll listen. please take care
  4. GreenChick

    GreenChick Active Member

    I have mixed feelings. Sometimes, I am really upset it DIDN"T work. All my problems could be over right now. Then other times, I think about how awful it would have been for my mom to walk in and find me. I don't always get along with my mom, but I know she cares, and that could really destroy a person. So I have mixed feelings. Sometimes it scares me. I mean, it was so close. Somtimes I think it doesn't scare me enough.

    After all, Friday I nearly did it again.

    I don't know.
  5. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    There are some people in mental profession who I think should seek help for themselves!!! I had a man from the CAT team ring me and ask what methods I had considered, and then he ran through a list of them. He then asked me about an attempt I did and asked what sort of materials I had used. He then explained the method I had attempted fully and told me how long it would take. He also said what I said would be confidential but upon my demise the coroner would be told. He also said thanx for talking to him because otherwise he would have called the police.
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