attempted last night.. want to try again..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lav11, May 28, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    well, i dont even know what to say.. Im weak, pathetic..

    soo close to 6 months attempt free and i dont even care..i attempted ...and i want to attempt again.. im done..

    just how can you push through this, i went to school today and it was so obvious i was sick, everything was a task.. i tried competing in Physical education but got told to sit out cause it lookied like i was gonna faint and was pushing myself too hard.. tomorrow i highly doubt anything is going to change.. ive done this before, im going to be ill for a few days now but i have to see my counsellor and shes either gonna guess that ive made an attempt (after the last week highly likely) which means ill be put in hospital and kicked out of my accommodation or guess its because of my restricting which will also probably get me put in hospital with the way i look.

    I know im not going to die in a few days from what i took but counsellors never listen, they say that even if i feel better i can die days later.. every time..

    i just dont know.. is it obvious if i cancel my appointment, still go to school and be deathly sicck after the last 2 weeks admitting that i didnt know how much i could hold off?? what do i do??

    I thought makeing an attempt wouldl make me feel better but now i just feel even more worthless .. i just feel like attempting again now
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please do not cancel your appointment and try to find an adult who you can trust with telling how you are feeling...and if hospitalization is needed, please get the care you need...I am so sorry you are feeling this way...please continue to post and PM me if I can be there for you...you are not alone here!
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    lav if its not a rude question how old are you.As you say today you kicked out of phys ed.I m guessing high school.I take how serious how ya looking at life yet you can learn to cope with crap you deal with now life will become easier im not saying there wont be challenges but you will know how to cope with them better.Take any help you can get and try to feel good within yourself.Thats the beginning yourself not others okay.Stay safe
     
  4. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    Don't do anything man. You need to remember that no matter what you are going through, someone has gone through worse, or done worse, and they have survived long enough to talk about it and help others. School can be a chore, I know this. But you will get through it, the next stage of life is completely different. You have a new start, no one knows you. You can be who you want to be. Just don't forget Humans are built strong. We are strong enough to get through the situations life throws at us. Be one of the strong ones mate.
     
  5. Brother; I was 16 and attempted with a firearm. When the gun went off; I had tremendous regrets for doing it. I was fortunate. I'm glad I've known my life over the last 25 years. It has sucked from time to time. IT has not been sunshine and roses all the time. But know this....the sun always comes back up if you walk through the nite. You need to fight for you because the sun does back up. This is no pat BS pshcy pat trivial response to your pain. Your pain is real; I have the scars and the shirt to say I was there and all I got was this lousy T shirt. I know the struggle. Take baby steps. Drink fluids, eat as you can; continue with the therapy; toss out the negative people from your life; try listening to positive relaxing music. I did; after the shooting. I was tormented by terrible nightmares...the relaxing music calmed my nerves.

    Life mimicks the earth. No storm ever continues forever....ever.
     
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I now will apollogise now but yep same 26 yrs +now yet suicide is not a solution.Help is hard to take on after a long while and trying to help yourself can seem impossible too.It just gets harder the longer ya dealt with crap but is still possible.Just means more fight hang in there and remember we are here to.Take care
     
  7. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone for all the support,

    im 16 but actually really like school when i am able to think, i get on with my peers and everything so i guess thats good.

    I told my counsellor earlier about the attempt and she sayd i need to get checked out but its my choice and shes not going to force me which is good. IM not going to go get checked out but yeah, happy shes not going to force me as of yet, i wouldnt tell her what id taken or when i did it but shes calling my mate later who knows to find out.. and just so she can make sure im keeping somewhat safe and not attempting anytime soon i guess...

    Shes putting me back on meds, not sure if thats what i want but i guess at this point ill take anything,, and as soon as i am on the meds and "just a little less suicide we will start working on the abuse and self blame as that seems to be what is preventing me moving forward".. shes right, i wouldnt be nearly as suicidal if i could stop these flashbacks and nightmares and constant thoughts of the abuse... just worried about jumping into it so quickly after an attempt but its definately good to be starting on this work soon i guess.. just need to stay alive so i can start working on it and get better :S

    over the side-effects of the attempt though i must say -.-

    thanks again
     
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Good to see you are thinking some what rational.Let your counsillor help you and dont forget talk about things at your own pace if you find things getting too much slow down but keep working on them so it all comes out and you do find ways to cope.Good luck and take care
     
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