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Attempting the biggest mistake

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#1
I can't go on anymore. I try really hard for myself. I try not to whine, not to cry. I try to keep moving and I'm doing it... but as I said a million times before, there is only emptiness underneath. My existence is pointless. Not making anyone's life better, I can't even take care of myself. I have no direction, no desire. I am dead inside. I really want help, but there is no point. Because once I'm left alone I fall right back into the pit of nothingness. Am I looking for attention? I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I am doing.
I just want to say, If you hate me, be happy cause I'm going away. If you loved me... you didn't know me. If you cared, I'm sorry I wasted your time.
I know it's wrong. I know it's a mistake. But I have fucked up in life pretty bad... the save point is lost.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#2
Hey, hey, HEY!!!!! Myiang—(now!) No more thinking like that... you are not wasting anybody’s time (least of all mine!); & I also don’t believe, or find you to be “seeking attention,” or an “attention-seeker.” And even if you were - what’s so bad or wrong about that anyway, or in the first place.

So I know you’re unhappy about a ton of things in so far as “Life” Goes (but truthfully, ‘aren’t we all?’). . . And here is the key / or the trick / or whatever else you can think to call it: you are just in the midst (caught up) in an incredibly (potentially) turbulent time in your life right now. It is a very familiar territory of such . . . In other words: many have stood in your shoes & felt much the same way!

If you can just make it through this time you can come out the other side in a much better and mor e optimistic outlook on life, I believe an d truly do feel (I’ve been there before, so I can speak with some authority on the matter-). The late 20’s are traditionally & typically a very turbulent time in one’s life (mine was an epic disaster that could probable make anythjng currently going through pale in comparison - but we won’t do that / compare ;))

So & what I can tell you is that as you enter your 30’s things can and will begin to “even” or “smooth,” out. . . In comparison to these relatively, violent - or rough waters you’re currently navigating through.
 

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#4
Hey, hey, HEY!!!!! Myiang—(now!) No more thinking like that... you are not wasting anybody’s time (least of all mine!); & I also don’t believe, or find you to be “seeking attention,” or an “attention-seeker.” And even if you were - what’s so bad or wrong about that anyway, or in the first place.

So I know you’re unhappy about a ton of things in so far as “Life” Goes (but truthfully, ‘aren’t we all?’). . . And here is the key / or the trick / or whatever else you can think to call it: you are just in the midst (caught up) in an incredibly (potentially) turbulent time in your life right now. It is a very familiar territory of such . . . In other words: many have stood in your shoes & felt much the same way!

If you can just make it through this time you can come out the other side in a much better and mor e optimistic outlook on life, I believe an d truly do feel (I’ve been there before, so I can speak with some authority on the matter-). The late 20’s are traditionally & typically a very turbulent time in one’s life (mine was an epic disaster that could probable make anythjng currently going through pale in comparison - but we won’t do that / compare ;))

So & what I can tell you is that as you enter your 30’s things can and will begin to “even” or “smooth,” out. . . In comparison to these relatively, violent - or rough waters you’re currently navigating through.
Thanks. Im just so tired of this fucking thing... like there is no end to it. I don't know whats going to happen. I will try to pull trough as long as possible.
<3
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#5
I hear you, I hear you, I really do. . ! : )
And I believe that a vast majority of these who have suffered such, or so—& then went on to leave: if; or were they given the gift, or opportunity of hindsight - say some years later; not a single one ☝️( or very, very few...) would still go ahead and go through with it.
 
#7
Hi Myaing. I'm sorry you are in so much pain at the moment. I feel like we have a lot in common.

Similarly to you, I try to avoid "whining" or "crying" about my problems as much as possible in real life. I never talk about my suicidal ideation or how I'm feeling with the people I know in my life, unless it is strictly necessary. I'm not saying this is a good mindset to have, but I understand not wanting to "cry" about your problems to avoid feeling like a "weak" person.

However, that being said, you certainly aren't "wasting" anybody's time here and it's understandable to be feeling depressed. It's not your fault you are feeling depressed at the moment (no-one wants or chooses to be depressed), and you feeling depressed doesn't mean you are "seeking attention".

I'm sorry you have had to suffer through whatever you are going through. Correct me if I am wrong but I seem to recall you are feeling depressed, at least in part, because you feel lonely. I can certainly relate to feeling lonely and isolated. However, these terrible feelings of loneliness don't have to last forever. If there is anything holding you back from socializing and building relationships, such as your depression or social anxiety, it can be treated. You don't have to feel isolated forever.

I know I don't know you well, and I don't know you like I know someone in my family or one of my friends, you have made my life, at least a little, better by contributing interesting ideas and sparking interesting debates on this forum (such as here and here). You seem like a nice, genuine person and if you ever want to talk we can do it here or you can inbox me.

The bottom line is this - nothing is beyond repair and there is hope for you. You have a lot of life ahead of you, in which things can get better. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
 

Marilyn1962

Well-Known Member
#10
Hey Myaing, you’re in the right place, lots of people who want to listen and support you here. It sounds like depression to me, and it’s a horrible, relentless illness. Both myself and my partner are going through it atm. Is there anyone you could talk to about this? Friends or family who might understand? I think most people have gone through at least a short period of depression and it might help to share experiences.

hope you feel better soon
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#13
Hi there! I've been where you are...I mean, EXACTLY where you are in terms of the crying, the shame, the giving up on life, all of it. That was a very long time ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. That lonely island was my universe for over 20 years-I remember it vividly. I don't live on that island anymore. I will tell you what I wished that someone would have told me back then...Your life is about YOU, no one else...just YOU exactly as you are, who you are. Who you are is enough. Your good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, etc.

You have made the same mistake that I made-you don't see yourself through YOUR eyes, you see yourself and judge yourself through the eyes of others...people who don't approve of you or get you. They don't know how hard life is for you, they don't understand your feelings. They have no idea what it would feel like to live with the sorts of thoughts that are flying around in your head most of the time-so why do they get a vote? How can they ever judge you correctly if they've never been you, thought like you, felt like you? That's why their opinions don't count-only yours counts, and most of the people on this forum. They know what it's like. And they love you....see? If you're going to allow yourself to be judged at least let it be by people who truly can relate to where your coming from.

People like me for instance. You're all that matters-to hell with everyone else. Go off on the island alone for awhile with love in your heart not hate. Let others have hate-you can hold the POV of the other side, the fair side-the side that knows the difference between truth and lies. You are stronger than you know-I know it sounds crazy to think that now, when you feel so weak and sad. But there is another part of you that's just waiting for you to engage, wake up and get into the drivers seat of your life. You are in my prayers this day. Be strong-love yourself. You deserve every happiness in the world-LT
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#17
Hi, just wanted to say that you're not alone. I try not to whine or cry about things to people. Nobody in my real life knows anything of how I feel. I keep it all inside. And that's hard. Sometimes it comes bubbling out no matter how hard I try. That's what this place is for. That's what WE are here for. To help and to listen to each other because we all know what it's like to be in that moment when it all gets to be too much to bear for one person.

And so, when you're in that moment - remember. You're not alone. You have this place and everyone in it to help you.
 

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