Attempting to build bridges but getting knocked back

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SAVE_ME, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    So this weekend I attempted to re-connect with an ex-friend but I ended up getting rejected for my troubles. What's the f'ing point? Once a shithead, always a shithead, right?

    I just don't get it. I'm trying! I really am! I am trying to adopt the outlook on life that bearing grudges against other people is just childish and stupid and I wanted to just drop it and say at least I tried to do the right thing. I know I shouldn't have expected much to come of it but DAMN! Am I just too stupid for even thinking that some people have the capacity to change? Is that it? Should I just give up trying with people? When is any of this going to pay off for me? I got fed up of waiting for crap to just magically happen for me so I wanted to make the effort myself. I needn't have bothered, it seems.

    It's sad and I'm a little bit angry and upset for it. Particularly because there are people who have done worse to the person in question and been welcomed back with open arms...not that I did anything wrong to begin with anyway. He's always had an attitude problem and I got sick of it.

    Well, the one saving grace in all this is that at least I didn't explode and let my temper get the better of me. Surprised I managed to keep calm. In response I just said "Well, can't say I didn't try to be the bigger man. If that's how you choose to live in anger, then that's you but I learned a while back to stop with all the childish shit." Wished him good day and took the hint.

    I guess this is what happens when you try to do good things. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? How do you manage to keep going even if you keep getting knocked back for it? How long before it pays off? This is why I hid from life in the first place...too much pain involved. Dunno if I can be assed with this anymore.
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I went through pretty much the exact same thing. An old friend of mine that I was best friends with for 6 years used to be really childish, play mind games, bully me, put me down, tell lies about me so I had no other friends than her, etc., etc., and now, five or six years on I decided to let go of all the shit that happened and reconnect with her. We're both going through similar issues - depression, anxiety, etc., so I naively thought that we could be there for eachother. Turns out she hasn't grown up at all; she bragged about how many friends shes got (which used to anger me since I had none thanks to her), preyed on my vulnerabilities (she knows my weaknesses and how to bring me down) and then just ignored me when I didn't rise to it all.

    I've since tried multiple times over the past year or so to reconnect with her and try to be the bigger person by not letting her get to me, but she, for the most part, continues to be an immature brat. I wouldn't say that it was a complete waste of time, because if I hadn't tried then I'd probably be sitting here wondering if I should have tried to make a go of things again, wondering if maybe she'd changed to be a better person - at least now I know where I stand and can be proud of myself for giving it a go.

    You just have to let it go. They don't want to know, so what can you do? It's their loss, not yours. You did your best. =)
  3. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I know. It's just...I kinda feel stupid and naive now for thinking even for one second that I would've been welcomed back and all would be forgiven and forgotten. The real kicker though is that I didn't even do anything wrong myself. It was about a year ago. I was going through some very tough times and I really didn't need this person and his negativity bringing me down any further, so I ceased all contact. A year on, life...well, life ain't exactly brilliant but I've been much worse off. On the whole though, I've had more successes than failures so far this year. Along with that has come a renewed confidence and belief in myself and I'm also wanting to just let go of all the heavy burdens and negativity because none of it serves any real purpose. So yeah...he reacted like he always a child. Shame on me, I thought all children grew up sooner or later? Guess I was wrong. I am proud that I didn't absolutely lose it with him and took the high road. If anything then that's gotta be a testament to how far I've matured as a person over the last few months. And I guess it just confirms everything I've always thought about him. It really does say a whole lot about him and if the baby wants me to "go away" then I shall bother him no longer. But this is the last time. From now on, the ball is in his and everybody else's court. I tried. Didn't succeed but at least I wasn't a total arse about it.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Good for you! Focus on yourself and your life and perhaps eventually he'll come to realise the mistake he made.
  5. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    We can only control our emotions, not others.
    You did well my friend, it is always your choice to hold anger and hatred but really there is no let others hold it if thats what they want!
    Beauty comes from within, let it shine out and the people you want around you will bask under its warmth. Quite simply, good people are attracted to good people.
    I see so many people in life with anger, hate and control issues..........the result?.......well they may not want to admit it or even recognise it.............but it makes them unhappy and inside they hurt lots.
    So, maybe try to see that your friend is not happy inside, give on that and show nothing but humility and peace............rewards endless.
  6. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Yeah, wouldn't have done me any good to blow up at him except make myself look like a complete tosser. Plus there's always the 'let it all out' forum on here...he he :tongue:

    I'm just going to do my best to forget about it now and continue to focus on me. You're right, like attracts like. I'll just (try to) focus on my successes and give my positive energies to those who want to be around me. Up until this point, I noticed a pattern with the friends I made in the past. I would always end up attracting some sulky sore-ass loser who I had to be real careful so much as to not cough around them because if I did then they'd flip out and get all butt-hurt and let me know about it. But I was a sulky loser myself so that's what I got in return. A couple of months ago, another old friend of mine had been conversing with me over MSN. Made out how he had found peace within himself now and his life was oh so happy and enriched and then I went for a walk around town once and I saw him walking along...straight line...head down...same miserable arse he was back then! LOL It was just the way he made a beeline for wherever he was going. Didn't look up at me once! So yeah, what a bs'er!

    The only problem is sometimes I end up attracting these people without even realizing it and then it's when I get to know them that they begin to show their true colours and it's like "Heh! Oh joy! Another one! Do they clone themselves or something?!" Guess I need to be more conscious of the way I present myself to people. I naturally look miserable all the time myself...even when I'm happy! I'm always getting comments off my parents about how miserable I look and I keep on getting asked "What's wrong with you?! You're depressing me as well!" Don't suppose anyone has any tips on how to appear more approachable?
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Maybe the friend you saw in town that time was happy, but just always looks miserable anyway the same as you do, or perhaps he was just having a bad day. I think it's important not to judge people too quickly.

    I don't really have any tips on being more approachable. I often look miserable too and people say I'm quite unapproachable, especially since I don't talk much anyway. My only advice would be to try and open your face up a bit more. I've noticed from looking in the mirror that raising your eyebrows a little it can make your face appear more open and friendly. =)
  8. Craig

    Craig Banned Member

    I feel like bolth people have to be in a place where they can rebuild for effort on eithers side to work. Its happened to me before and happening again in my current life. Its frustrating as hell but worth the risk if you manage to pull it through.