For the first time since before Christmas I reached out to a friend yesterday. I feel horrible about this and have mainly been sleeping since. I have been slowly isolating myself more and more over the past 2-3 years and rarely interact with anyone anymore. I am not a good friend to have as I always seem to drain my friends/family due to my emotional neediness and need for constant reassurances. Having such low self worth and confidence is not something that people view as attractive character traits. This is the first person in real life that I have told about my suicidal thoughts besides my doctor and psychologist. My mother and sister know I am depressed but I can't tell them about my suicidal thoughts since my last suicide attempt, I will not worry them like that again. This friend an I have always tried to reinforce confidence in each other as she also has low self esteem. I feel like such an asshole for bringing up this problem with her as I feel as if I am just taking advantage of her caring nature. She has a caretaker personality and I am afraid that sharing my thoughts with her is just me taking advantage of her kindness. I feel that I have mistreated her by reaching out to her. I just can not stand the thought of causing her, or anyone else, emotional distress over my problem. I can not bear thinking that by sharing my problem that I may inadvertently cause her, or anyone else, emotional pain. I can not due that to anyone. How do I make these conflicting feelings, of wanting not to be isolated without causing any one to feel the emotional distress that I do, synchronize in a positive way? How do I build friendships without feeling guilty? I am so self centered that the only outcome I can envision is of me causing them emotional harm. Some advice on how to work out these conflicting emotions is greatly need! Thanks for reading this, I know it is kinda long. By the way, this really is a non-sexual relationship, she has a boyfriend of many years and we are not attracted to each other in that way.