Attempting to quit isolating. Need Advice Please!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by unionfalls, Feb 19, 2014.

  1. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    For the first time since before Christmas I reached out to a friend yesterday. I feel horrible about this and have mainly been sleeping since. I have been slowly isolating myself more and more over the past 2-3 years and rarely interact with anyone anymore. I am not a good friend to have as I always seem to drain my friends/family due to my emotional neediness and need for constant reassurances. Having such low self worth and confidence is not something that people view as attractive character traits. This is the first person in real life that I have told about my suicidal thoughts besides my doctor and psychologist. My mother and sister know I am depressed but I can't tell them about my suicidal thoughts since my last suicide attempt, I will not worry them like that again. This friend an I have always tried to reinforce confidence in each other as she also has low self esteem. I feel like such an asshole for bringing up this problem with her as I feel as if I am just taking advantage of her caring nature. She has a caretaker personality and I am afraid that sharing my thoughts with her is just me taking advantage of her kindness. I feel that I have mistreated her by reaching out to her. I just can not stand the thought of causing her, or anyone else, emotional distress over my problem. I can not bear thinking that by sharing my problem that I may inadvertently cause her, or anyone else, emotional pain. I can not due that to anyone. How do I make these conflicting feelings, of wanting not to be isolated without causing any one to feel the emotional distress that I do, synchronize in a positive way? How do I build friendships without feeling guilty? I am so self centered that the only outcome I can envision is of me causing them emotional harm. Some advice on how to work out these conflicting emotions is greatly need! Thanks for reading this, I know it is kinda long. By the way, this really is a non-sexual relationship, she has a boyfriend of many years and we are not attracted to each other in that way.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do think that talking to your therapist about your suicidal thoughts should be kept there ok as therapist will be able to help you and not be affected by your discussions Your friend not being a professional will not know how to truly help you. If you want to get out of isolating try to do some volunteer work ok where there is no stress just being among people with same interest as you.
     
  3. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Thank you total eclipse. I appreciate the feed back and you being able to get through my rambling post. Unfortunately the few friends I do have all know about my last suicide attempt. I have so far danced around social situations so as not to have to face my own shortcomings as a friend. So as I gain the courage to reach back out to them they ask if I have been thinking/considering suicide. I do not want to lie to them but in revealing this I feel ashamed and guilty about my thinking and feelings. I guess a more appropriate question would be, how do I balance my own feelings of guilt about my thinking while at the same time attempting to work through them and quit isolating myself? I do discuss this with my psychologist, but I was hoping some here would have some experience with working through these conflicting thoughts.
     
  4. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    Go out of your way to talk to people when you can, ask them questions about themselves. The more practice you get with talking to people the easier it gets. I notice it's also easier to keep a conversation going by asking questions, let the other person do most of the talking. Just be more social towards everyone and you'll become far more confident in social interactions. Figure out what you say that might "Drain" others emotionally, and try to avoid saying those types of things. That doesn't mean never talk about your feelings though, just know when to talk about the negative stuff and when not to. As for your friend who you feel you are taking advantage of, you really shouldn't feel that way if you are both trying to help each other overcome low self-esteem. If you really do feel bad about it though then maybe do something nice for her? Get her a present, take her out to have some fun (This doesn't have to be romantically based even though it may sound that way, in fact it's better if it's not) But the most important part is to just let her know how much you appreciate her being there to help you. It'll make her feel good about herself to know she's helping someone and that someone values her. Just my two cents.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe im odd but why not be happy with yourself first before seeking others out? You mentioned feeling emotional around others? Idk but maybe getting urself in a better place n focus on yourself only then build up from there? Like you have a rock solid foundation to stand on
     
  6. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Thank you DrownedFishOnFire,
    I have been able to somewhat alleviate those feelings and now have a better grasp on them. With the newest med working much better, working with the psychologist, and other positive steps, I have been making progress in this area. Still need a lot of work on myself as I am now emotionally swinging. That is much better than it was before though. The reasoning for seeking others out before I was happy with my self is that I need that support so I may get better. I can not do it in isolation. The isolation keeps the negative reinforcement going in my mind. I wish I was stronger than that, but I am not. The hardest part I guess was in admitting that I am not that strong on my own.Thank you again for replying. I really appreciate the advice and feedback.