I am suicidal every day. IT doesn't matter if I am feeling good or not, I am always suicidal...
Its weird thing for me and my triggers. When I hold my triggers in my hands <mod edit - method> 3/4 of the time it calms me down.
Another 1/4 of the time a part of me just wants to do it.
Most of the time I eventually do it. Wether its 5 years or 10 years from now. Tomorrow can be today so why not just do it now?
I just do it and don't even think about the results of how damaging it can be to others to loose a love one.
I talk to my mom about suicide attempts and talk to her casually about it and she responds to it casually as well.
She says she would cry if she gets a call from the cops saying I'm dead. But is that really since my mom talks to me
casually about all my attempts?
So how is talking about it going to help me?
I don't know...
Shes surprised at how many suicide attempts I have survived 19 attempts and the numbers just keep going up.
I wonder how many more suicide attempts it would take to end my life?
I don't know that answer.
All I can do is answer it myself and find out for myself how many more attempts it would take to end my life.
I'm tired of feeling depressed, the mood swings, the downs, it doesn't matter what the feeling is I'm just so tired of it.
I can't get the help I need because the feelings are always there even when I'm in a good mood.
I think like that cause I know someone would take something away from me again and this includes my feelings.
So why feel good at all?
My life is sour. I just want a better life for me and I try to improve it but it seems nothing works.
I'm such a failure and everyone just wants to take advantage of something when I'm doing good.
Work or school it doesn't matter someone would take it away some how some way.
Wether its jail or my life they would take away.
I'm so sick of jail that jail triggers my PTSD and throws me into a frenzy to attempt suicide because I am tired of being in the same position all the time.
I can't get help no matter where I go. I could attempt suicide and they would discharge me the same day. They don't and won't help me by saying the psych
unit does't help me or by saying that all the beds are full.
So how else am I supposed to ask for help other than coming here?
Its weird thing for me and my triggers. When I hold my triggers in my hands <mod edit - method> 3/4 of the time it calms me down.
Another 1/4 of the time a part of me just wants to do it.
Most of the time I eventually do it. Wether its 5 years or 10 years from now. Tomorrow can be today so why not just do it now?
I just do it and don't even think about the results of how damaging it can be to others to loose a love one.
I talk to my mom about suicide attempts and talk to her casually about it and she responds to it casually as well.
She says she would cry if she gets a call from the cops saying I'm dead. But is that really since my mom talks to me
casually about all my attempts?
So how is talking about it going to help me?
I don't know...
Shes surprised at how many suicide attempts I have survived 19 attempts and the numbers just keep going up.
I wonder how many more suicide attempts it would take to end my life?
I don't know that answer.
All I can do is answer it myself and find out for myself how many more attempts it would take to end my life.
I'm tired of feeling depressed, the mood swings, the downs, it doesn't matter what the feeling is I'm just so tired of it.
I can't get the help I need because the feelings are always there even when I'm in a good mood.
I think like that cause I know someone would take something away from me again and this includes my feelings.
So why feel good at all?
My life is sour. I just want a better life for me and I try to improve it but it seems nothing works.
I'm such a failure and everyone just wants to take advantage of something when I'm doing good.
Work or school it doesn't matter someone would take it away some how some way.
Wether its jail or my life they would take away.
I'm so sick of jail that jail triggers my PTSD and throws me into a frenzy to attempt suicide because I am tired of being in the same position all the time.
I can't get help no matter where I go. I could attempt suicide and they would discharge me the same day. They don't and won't help me by saying the psych
unit does't help me or by saying that all the beds are full.
So how else am I supposed to ask for help other than coming here?
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