Discussion in 'After Effects' started by I'm_trying, Nov 22, 2011.

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  1. I'm_trying

    I'm_trying Active Member

    For years now I always gave myself a time line before I turned 20 years old. Days on end I thought about what day to end my life, I had a suicide kit for a couple years too.

    Recently, I did attempt but actually got caught on my own terms. I called a distress line in hoping they would talk to me about it as they did the night before. But they ended up contacting their supervisor who sent police and ambulance when I had only taken a couple t*****l. I stayed in a psych ward for 3 and a half weeks.

    I've been out two weeks now. But this past Sunday I called the crisis line (something that is extremely more professional apparently) and I said I was suicidal and had a plan and access to the plan hoping they would just talk to me in that frame of mind for a while. But they sent the police right away. I was angry and resisted and also resisted actually going up to the psychiatric ward again with the security guards.

    Its funny because I know everyone thinks this is attention-seeking. My psychiatrist even said last time I was at the ward that when I attempt again its going to be for attention. All I've learned is to never call anyone or talk to anyone when you feel like or have attempted to kill yourself because they take that really seriously. They will send police or an ambulance. One day this year it will be something serious and I won't call any help.
  2. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    i think suicide gestures and attemptes that are labelled attention seeking are usually in the context of interpersonal difficulties i.e. when people break up and one will threaten suicide (out of distress mixed with a desire to 'get back' at the person i know its complex don't jump on me)
    did they ask you why you felt suicidal? did they try and establish the motive?
  3. I'm_trying

    I'm_trying Active Member

    They asked why and did try to establish a motive. But I could really only tell them one motive because all the rest are too jumbled and crazy for me to even know where to begin.
  4. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    you don't have to say what the motivation was but i'm curious why your psychiatrist would say such a thing unless it was to shame you out of attempting?
  5. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    First, I'm sorry to hear that you've been hurting so much lately. I know how incredibly difficult that can be, and how reaching out for help can seem to be a double-edged sword. I know that with crisis/distress lines and other services of the same nature, they're trained to send help if someone is immediately suicidal and relates a specific plan and access to the means to carry out that plan. So, if you find yourself in that situation, and truly just want to talk at the time, I would recommend not admitting to all three things. So, for instance, you can admit to having a plan and the means, but not to being suicidal to the point where you would act on it that night. Perhaps you could also just state towards the beginning of your conversation that although you're feeling quite suicidal, you really feel that just talking about it will make a big difference.

    I'm sorry your psychiatrist reacted the way he did - it's such a shame. Perhaps he really was, as warrabinda suggests, trying to shame you out of attempting, but either way, I don't think that that's a productive way of trying to keep you safe. Maybe you could talk to him about how that makes you feel? Sometimes that can be helpful.

    Take good care of you.
  6. I'm_trying

    I'm_trying Active Member

    I'm not really sure what he was trying to do there. All I know is it made me feel like crap. And that everyone obviously thinks this whole thing is for attention and help.
  7. yamainu

    yamainu Member

    I think, in case of some people, "attention seeking" is a way to rationalize some one expressing suicidal thoughts. Desire to die is not "normal" or "natural" to most people and, if they do not know it themself.. maybe it is a way to explain it away, since they can not understand some one could actually feel that way. Even if some one who is supposed to be trained to deal with people who have problematic thoughts, I am not sure they could really understand if not felt it themself.
    (Sorry if that makes no sense)

    I am sorry you had to deal with that though.. no one feeling that way should just be called "attention seeking" and not taken seriously..
  8. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    That's bull, don't listen to that psychiatrist. And no, you are not attention-seeking and people that think that are foolish and ignorant. Sucks you had to go through all those processes. That itself can be annoying. If I could I would reach through this computer screen and give you a hug. Never feel like you can't talk to someone cause i promise someone is always willing and wanting to listen. I hope you start feeling better about all this stuff. If you ever need to talk hit me up- really.
  9. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    wow! they have those? whats inside?
  10. I'm_trying

    I'm_trying Active Member

    Its of your own accord. You make it.
  11. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't give up on trying to use the crisis lines if you really are having suicidal thoughts. They won't always send someone out but given that you had a specific plan it is probably best that they did. I don't think you really are attention seeking or otherwise you probably would have told more people about your feelings. Feel free though to vent wherever you can. Attention seeking or not, no one wants to see you die. Tell a family member or friend your problems and try to get them to understand. If you feel uncomfortable with that then talking about your problems on here is also good therapy.
  12. I wish I had one! As long as it had the answers in it too not just the resoluation.
  13. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Well,I'm glad you're here. There is help available from a lot of people who genuinely care. Many have been exactly where you are, There's a good source of support and encouragement.

    Stick around and make some friends, you can PM me anytime, and I'll respond as soon as I can.

    Take care.
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