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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jun 7, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Why is speeding my car into a tree feel so attractive?

    Or pretty much anything to get out of this?
  2. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    put the thoughts away hon

    yes it sounds attractive but its not ive seen many people cut out of accidents its not attractive

    but i know how you feel its kinda calming to think it isnt it
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Its not calming, its scaring me.

    I don't know what else to say. I feel so defeated. Now I have to go home and face things there. Too much today.
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    aww im sorry hon

    sorry your scared

    your not defeated at anything you are a fighter keep up the fight xx
  5. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    When we dread the future we get a sence of panic like imminent danger i think our minds cant cope with the anxiety we feel and we need to think of an alternative to feeling those feelings. Suicide feels like an alternative to that so i think at the moment your mind is probably trying to deal with more than it can handle. You know where i am if theres anything at all i can do hun xxxxxxxxxx
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    God I hate this.

    I hate being so f'ing pathetic.

    I hate feeling so alone.

    I hate not being able to cope.

    I hate feeling this way, why can't I just get up and move on - deal with things as they come in a sensible manner?

    But nope, none of that sensibility for me. It'll show itself at times, then go hide again. I'm on meds, in therapy and yet I am failing.

    What else can I do? How do I do this?
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Just a little scared tonight.

    Reality bites once again.
  8. Lollirot

    Lollirot Member

    I know thinking about it seems like an attractive thought, but like it was said above me it really isn't. If you're scared or you need to vent, this is the perfect place. What is the main situation going on?

    Most people I know who are suicidal are much better than the human beings who have never had the feeling before in their life. If you want to talk, I am here, and so is everyone else in the forum :).
  9. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    I was hoping to see a.nice picture of you dressed up !
    Seriously hang in there.get some rest
  10. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    My thoughts are all over the place.

    I'm not proud of some of them.

    I wonder am I just looking for attention? Am I that twisted?

    I can't deny the situation here, it is what it is, and it will change in the coming weeks or months, sadly.

    Those feelings of just wanting to run and hide are ever present. I know I won't, not right now.

    But when things change here, then what will I be running from? I cannot run from myself.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mo, Talk to your pdoc and let him/her know that the meds your on aren't working.. They may just up your dose.. But ask them about putting you on geodon or abilify.. Those two meds work for irrational thoughts..I'm glad you are PMing me.. It shows you are trying..I'm here for you so keep it up o.k. Please don't harm yourself..
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks, they aren't irrational thoughts, honest.

    More just thoughts of sadness and overwhelming worries.

    I will be fine.
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    so i'm back where I didn't want to go. just want to run again. Be invisible, not exist perhaps until a point where I can cope again.

    I just don't get this. Frustrated with myself.

    Edit to add -

    I don't know why i'm posting this either. I think there are folks here who need other's time and energies more.

    I suppose I need someone to care. Here we go - contradition time.

    Ugh. wanting to cut so badly.

    right now, wanting to not be here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2011
  14. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    hey Mo hun, what you are feeling is normal for what you are going through. the old thing, been there done that etc..its evil...told psych today i dont know how to deal with these feelings...i had to detach for 10 years and when i reconnect its evil. you have the misfortune to be flooded quickly, mine crept up slowly. dont feel bad for the way you feel and all i can say is what therapist tried to get through to me today, think of the good times, times you laughed, and just one good thing you are doing. if negative thoughts come seem them as a leaf floating down a river, let it flow by and it has to flow by and then let it go. havent tried it yet so not sure if it works but give it a go.

    therapist also said i need to take time to be kind to myself and i can only repeat this to you in your circumstances.

    as for cutting, if its not an instant reaction and you have time to think, dont do it! i have done it as a reaction, dont always remember, guilt kicks in, which only adds to your pain. find something you find soothing and when you feel low do it if you can if you have the time to think.

    look after yourself.

  15. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello MoAnamCara, i myself want to help you, i do care about you - loads of members from these forums care and want to help you also.

    I can understand why you would contradict and argue with yourself as you seem to be confused a bit, i've noticed however that arguing with yourself can actually help sometimes.

    The fact that you are posting this means that you care about yourself, you want to help yourself and at least part of you doesn't want you to take your life - all three things are of extreme importance so try to hold onto them.
  16. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear youre struggling again.
    Nobody deserves anything more than anyone else.everyone deserves support and love in their life.
    Just hold on
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