Today is your birthday, I miss you so much. I am sorry I obviously wasn't there for you as much as I should have been. I am sorry that you didn't turn to me in your last days, your last hours when you needed help and were suffering so much. I am sorry that you choose that method. I often wonder if you had second thoughts once it started but had no way to escape? I failed you, as a best friend, my only best friend that I've had. I will not let anyone that close again, and no one will ever understand me like you did. I wish you were here, I wish we could sit and laugh like fools for hours. I try so hard not to forget the memories of things we did. My memories of you, the childhood ones, are some of the most positive childhood ones. I often wish I told you more about what was going on. But you knew enough to know I was hurting, even back then. I love you, I thank you for being in my life. I thank you for trusting me, for believing in me, for being that positive energy. I thank you for all the memories, for the laughs, the stupid fun, all of those things we did as children, as teens, as young adults and as adults. I miss you. I am so sorry. You are the best person I ever knew. I hope you are looking down on me, I think of you every day at some point and I comfort myself hoping you are with me in some fashion, in some sort of presence. There is no more to say, only I am sorry, again. Forgive me, please.