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Auntie just died

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by lost1002, Sep 24, 2010.

  1. lost1002

    lost1002 Member

    My older sister called last night to tell me our favorite aunt died that morning. She was 96.5 years old and she was failing this past year, so it wasn't completely unexpected, but it's still such a gut-wrench. She had been a marriage/sex therapist long before it was popular (think Dr. Ruth), but she had a humor and wisdom that was unmatched. She would share some stories with us around the dinner table making them interesting and funny. My favorite uncle, her husband, adored her - we all did. My sister went back to school to become a marriage/sex therapist because of our aunt. She'd been speaking with her on the phone every day for a long time. I wasn't quite as close over these last years, but she was always very special to me. I'll miss her, a light has gone out in this world and one just went on on the other side!

    My other sister, who had just turned 60 last year, died after going through a brain tumor and chemo/radiation, then pneumonia, a blod clot, and finally a hole in her instestine from all the frelling drugs and that's what killed her. I spent a month with her in December 2008 while she had her cancer treatments, which she got through really well. Then in January 2009, she started getting sick with the other stuff and never fully recovered. She died at the end of June (I'd arrived Memorial Day weekend and stayed till the end), a few days after Michael Jackson as a matter of fact. It was a brutal but precious experience. I miss her so much!

    She had made a video of an interview she did with our aunt about my aunt's life. I have it on DVD. Both of them are gone now, but I'm so glad I have this from them. What a treasure!

    During the conversation with my sister last night, I broke down and told her how depessed I am, though I hadn't intended to, especially right then, but it just spilled out cuz I couldn't keep it in anymore. I didn't mean to dump it on her when I know she was so upset about our aunt. She asked if I was suicidal and I told her the truth, yes, and I think she freaked a little cuz she said she just wouldn't be able to handle losing me, too, after all this death this past year, and the ongoing mess of her divorce. I told her about this forum and she thought that was good. I guess I'll have to reassure her somehow that I won't do anything, at least for now, though I can't promise her or anyone that would always be the case. Anyway, just wanted to share this with you all.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for both your losses Lost...96.5 is an amazing age to reach..your Aunt sounds like an amazing woman..
    that was so sad about your sister also....
    I wonder if you've had any grief counseling and maybe now would be a good time to have some especially as you're suicidal..
    I'm glad you told your other sister how you're feeling and I hope she can offer you some support.
    are you seeing a doctor?
  3. lost1002

    lost1002 Member

    Thanks, IV. Auntie was a lovely and lively lady with a very strong life force. My sister seemed to go from tragedy to tragedy. Her one and only son when he was 3.5, almost 4 nearly drowned in a pool and was left severely handicapped in 1987. He'll be 27 next week. I think she was really tired of having to deal with it all for so long that her body gave out.

    No, I haven't had any grief counseling or seeing a doc right now. I have no money and no insurance of any kind, so that's just out.

    My sister will help as much as she can, but I can't ask too much of her as she has her own very full life. But her psych-understanding from school and her current work will contribute some. Thing is, she can't really be objective with me, which is good and bad, of course. She said she'll be going back East in a few weeks and suggested I come visit her when she gets back. Told her I'd let her know. Could do with another break from this house.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    what a sad life for your sister....
    are there any grief support groups you could join..they're usually free and it can help to talk to others who've been through the same thing..
    having a break with your sister and keeping busy is a good idea.....
    I find being alone makes the grief worse..
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How sad to lose someone so wonderful...is it possible to live in her memory and plan to effect someone as she did you (maybe even here)? that way living might have more meaning and she will be remembered...just my 2 cents, big hugs and my condolences, J