Averting crises?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Donnanobispacem, Oct 19, 2014.

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  1. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    The past three years have been a kind of hell for me, one problem after another. Serious health issues, no health insurance, Obamacare unaffordable unless I give up work ( the only joy in my life! )

    I was cast aside by my church once I got sick, my son's father betrayed me and my son to impress his new wife...the property I bought I found the realtor lied and lied about it all...if I wrote a book no one would publish it, they'd say it was too fantastical!

    Is there something I'm missing? I have found it almost impossible to get support anywhere except by spending vast sums.

    I saw my GP two weeks ago, I asked where to go for counseling- church. That just seems so unprofessional, a medical doctor trying to tell me what religion I should be....and anyway after my treatment at the last church, I doubt it would help. In my experience all churches want is to use people's talents and take their money.

    I've saved up for Obamacare for 2015, though I am disgusted with the costs and the fact it's not affordable for working people at all, but I need more support from somewhere. Where?
  2. PezKraft

    PezKraft Member

    Have you searched online for all available support programs in the state/province of your residency? In the United States, some states have emergency safety nets, some better than others. However, these services are not advertised and must be pursued via online searching and research. There might also be various local support groups that can at a minimum provide basic relating from fellow members of your community who are struggling with various mental and/or emotional ailments and stress. In addition, some psychotherapists are willing to negotiate a reduced fee, but potential clients must be willing to reach out and ask despite the risk of being turned down. There is nothing to gain in not trying, but there is a potential benefit if you do try.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Many counties have free or income based on a sliding scale mental health services. If you cannot find the listings for your county mental health services call 211 - it is the social services help line and they can provide you with a list of places and agencies where mental health services might be available to you that are affordable. Sometimes it is worth trying them a couple of times as sadly the competence of the person answering the phone does vary from time to time.
  4. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    We have 2 crisis lines ( one is 211 I forget the other; I looked them up ) I called one and they referred me to the other, called them and they referred me back to the first!
    One was rude and obnoxious the other was lovely but neither had any real interest once they ascertained I wasn't going to kill myself.

    I told a friend about it all, the police turn up; she had told them I may be suicidal...

    I think everyone is obsessed with suicide, not actually helping people before they get to that point.

    Anyway I checked the Obamacare figures and if I drop my income by $20 000 in 2015 the cost is reduced to @ $3228 ie. $8000 cheaper for the year ( that's total of premiums and copay ) These are the leaked figures and may be a bit inaccurate, the final numbers come out next weekend, also I haven't been through the fine print to look for hidden charges yet.

    But can I live on $25 000 a year? It's all a bit crazy really. I won't have any choice but to drop income next year anyway as I need to have an operation and that'll be three months of the year, but I'm not sure it's a very American way to live long-term! plus I love work.

    Oh well, just got to get on with it for now I suppose.

    Thanks for the replies.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering personally as well as financially. You are important and yes life is tough but do not think you are alone. In life we are dealt with situations which we must struggle. You are a survivor and it's about living one day after another. Keep posting for the support you deserve and take care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2014
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I never know what to say when the american folk here are trying to explain the way insurance works in the USA and the medical care, obamacare etc... (I know zilch about it, the more I try to learn, the more confused I get, so I have given up) but there's a strange voice in my mind wanting to ask that IF you stop working you will be able to receive obamacare, if that is true then that is crazy, or you need to reduce income but it may not be enough to live on? I would have thought they would have been trying to encourage people to work, work more (more taxes and all that).....if you reply to this, you will have to simplify it all down for me lol but of course you don't have to if you wish not to, just know I do care.

    But anyway, I want to wish you all the best and I am sorry to hear that on top of everything you need to have an operation!! Big :hug: to you. I hope all works out well for you...you're strong, a survivor and it's great that you have a job that you love!! :)
  7. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    Thank you both.

    Oh there's even more going on, my father just diagnosed with dementia ( fortunately in England, where they have good medical care ) my kid in university ( mega-expensive then a nickel-and-dime experience on top of that not to mention he hasn't settled well ) and crap with my ex I don't wan to start thinking about again...

    I am a survivor, I've been through a lot in life and I'm older now too, which gives more perspective I think. But it's been a long time now since I had any peace or personal happiness, and I am worn out.

    Financially I have always worked hard and lived fairly frugally since this illness started to come on about three years ago. I can be very creative about life, but it's impossible to get creative about healthcare in the US, it is so complicated. People get a bill for the doctor, a bill for the procedure, a bill for the room...I find it hard to manage, and reading through all the fine print of the policies isn't my strong suit, then I get stressed, then the MS symptoms get worse.

    I can't sleep tonight, I don't want to catastrophize, but the 'what-ifs' crept up on me earlier.
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Obamacare has screwed so many people it also helped other half of people.

    The Message is to stop working to afford Heath insurance gets under my skin. I agree about loving to work, I think people shouldn't be punished because they're working. But with your MS being progressive maybe putting up with salary cap to afford Heath insurance is a good option.
  9. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member


    It's just you spend half your life building up your ability to earn and income and creating a job to enjoy, and it seems a bit like going backwards to give it up.

    It's very isolating becoming disabled, hence my presence here! On days I don't work like today I don't speak to anyone, my sister sends an email and my son texts, and that's it. I struggle to join things because I'm not reliable and people get irritated.

    Because we have for-profit medicine every other person it seems is diagnosed with a serious illness, which they must either have a very mild form of or have been given a misdiagnosis, because I find it impossible to explain to people I'm sorry I'm too ill to come out today etc. & I don't see how people with lupus, bipolar, MS, RA etc can have no symptoms and live an active life, & have no insight when someone else is ill.

    One friend I had to cancel said 'I turned down two other offers to make plans with you!' She has kept on and on at me about taking this that or the other from the healthfood store, all expensive, none of it proven to help.

    So gradually I stopped making plans.

    My friends only want to hear good news and I haven't had much lately, they offer advice as if I can fix this if I just pull myself together...and they don't want to hear about it. Might happen to them! Most of my friends are well-off in America too, they have health insurance and don't understand it doesn't take much to fall off the grid here. I've also had issues with people saying I should go for treatment even without health insurance- massive debt is acceptable to people, whereas I like to live within my means.

    So I get a lot of advice which isn't that useful to me!
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It can be frustrating with trying hanging out with friends who don't understand/get it, what about being honest and upfront with your illness with your friends and explain theres on/off days for you and to be more understanding?
  11. Donnanobispacem

    Donnanobispacem Well-Known Member

    I think I need new friends to be honest! I was always well-off and the life and soul of the party, the organizer of events, the counselor...it's been massively frustrating that people don't understand I'm ill, and even people I have helped intensively don't reciprocate.

    I'm thinking of one particular relationship and too many details to go into, that was an eye-opener, she recently came back into my life briefly but this time I asked directly, knowing the answer, whether she would help me if I needed help. That sounds a lot more coherent than the actual conversation- I was upset about something and I deliberately sabotaged any relationship between us if she didn't respond supportively. It made me look crazy really, but I knew I couldn't get involved with her again, she always needs money and I'm not giving anyone money any more except my family.

    But I'm coming to an acceptance of where I'm at now, and new friends will come along once I can get healthcare and manage things better.

    It's really helped to write this out here, where people do understand. Most people don't- and telling people you're becoming disabled or having problems most people run a mile. That's why I stopped going to church- there was zero support there, they could have given me health insurance I had a job there but instead once I complained about the ever-increasing workload and asked for support I was shunned pretty-much. All this rhetoric week in week out about caring and 'become more like Jesus', turned out to be BS. They did write several times asking me for money though!

    It's changed me- I don't feel the compulsion to try and care so much, ie I've lost my faith, and I am cynical. But maybe that's a good thing. I can't afford to have people around right now who don't let me prioritize caring for myself, and certainly not people who'll try to take my money. And religion isn't very healthy when it's all about cash either.
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