Avoid hospitalization

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpang123, Jan 11, 2014.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Hey all! Yes, I'm back after a few days of not logging in here. I thought I needed a break but at the same time I've been feeling worse and I was trying very hard to apply coping skills but to no avail. I just called the crisis hotline cuz I'm so desperate for some advice and reinforcement to stay safe. I know I go to group therapy and I see a psychiatrist twice a week and 4 groups a day with therapists and support from my peers. You would think that would be enough to keep me safe. I do process a lot of my thoughts and feelings, but not totally honest. I tell them I have thoughts, but no plan. However, I really do have a plan but I'm scared to admit to it because I really fear hospitalization again. I'm trying to avoid it. Also, the thing I want to OD on is something that I need and don't want the risk of being taken away from me. There's too much at risk to act out, but my stupid mind keeps gravitating to thoughts of OD'ng. Those who have known me here probably have heard me deal with this before, but I'm still fighting it. I'm just too scared to tell anyone what I want to specifically do. I don't want it to be taken away from me as I mentioned before and that is a big deal for me. I'm just torn as to what to do because I'm trying so hard but my mind is obsessed with the idea. I'm really struggling here.
     
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though you are maybe being confused with so much direct support.

    Would it be an idea to possibly confide in whover you feel you trust a lil bit more?

    You're ok telling us, so share it wuth your direct meets as well.
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    mark b, the only one I confided about my suicidal ideations and plan is with my social worker who came to see me yesterday. But I reassured him that I won't act on it so he gave me the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to put a big sign in my living room coffee table which will say, "I'm NOT going to the hospital". That will remind me to stop ruminating and I will write down the reasons why I want to stay out of the hospital. I have quite a few reasons. Therefore, I'm going to try that route and see if that helps me or not.
     
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