So I've realized that I handle my emotions pretty horribly and usually vent to my ex, who is also a really close friend of mine. I know that I really should "quit" cutting. And I really have made an effort, I've tried throwing it away, looking at youtube bloggers, talking about it, I'm even on medication for my anxiety which is supposed to also help with depression. Nothing seems to work. The idea of being stuck with my mom for a year is already stressful enough. I was talking to this ex and really thought I had it figured out, I would have a stash hidden in my room to get a buzz from. Then my ex told me that that is still a horrible way to deal with everything. I asked him what else I could possibly do, and he hasn't been able to help, since he's in a similar position and has problems of his own. I really am stuck on how to avoid "bad" impulses, I want to still be someone who my sister looks up to and that isn't addicted to things that could possibly kill me. Until, I can live on my own and support myself, I don't know how to deal with my sudden overwhelming depression and guilt.