Avoiding the impulses

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Odd_Panda24, May 23, 2016.

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  1. Odd_Panda24

    Odd_Panda24 Member

    So I've realized that I handle my emotions pretty horribly and usually vent to my ex, who is also a really close friend of mine. I know that I really should "quit" cutting. And I really have made an effort, I've tried throwing it away, looking at youtube bloggers, talking about it, I'm even on medication for my anxiety which is supposed to also help with depression. Nothing seems to work. The idea of being stuck with my mom for a year is already stressful enough.
    I was talking to this ex and really thought I had it figured out, I would have a stash hidden in my room to get a buzz from. Then my ex told me that that is still a horrible way to deal with everything. I asked him what else I could possibly do, and he hasn't been able to help, since he's in a similar position and has problems of his own.
    I really am stuck on how to avoid "bad" impulses, I want to still be someone who my sister looks up to and that isn't addicted to things that could possibly kill me. Until, I can live on my own and support myself, I don't know how to deal with my sudden overwhelming depression and guilt.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Odd panda, I am so sorry you are going through this. I really feel for you. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? And how old is your little sister? I feel the same way about my little sister (well, she's 17) I want her to look up to a role model but that isn't happening and it makes me sad but as for your situation you can still be a good role model for her, what do you think you could change about your ways that would make her want to copy or be like you? I wish you all the best and I am glad that you posted here! Good luck.
  3. Odd_Panda24

    Odd_Panda24 Member

    Im 20 and my sister's 16. Right now, all I do is tell my sister of everything wrong Ive done, in hopes that she at least knows what not to do and how wrong things can turn out. But to be someone she can actually look up to and copy, I would need to overcome my anxiety, be way more outgoing and actually become someone in the world. That's a huge step Im not sure Im mentally and physically ready to accomplish. I try my hardest for her, and I really do wish that she would acknowledge that, but then I end up sick or making the wrong choice. Its a lot of work and energy to become what she wants and needs. She's accepted my weird and odd obsessions/likes, but she does want me to actually become someone. Its hard, and its something Ive been trying to accomplish for years.
  4. Veda Vyas

    Veda Vyas Member

    Hello Odd Panda
    I am sorry to see you struggling and going through this. I also care for my sister though she is 31, i worked hard on myself to be a person who can support her in the way she needs. After all those years of sibling rivalry and squabbles, now we support each other and look after and look upto each other, though she is 6 years younger to me, she is really good at somethings that i am not.

    You care a lot about people in your life. I really appreciate that you feel the need to be better for sake for your sister. You seem very mature in the sense that your ex is still a very close friend to you. Not many people are able to do that. You are very honest with your sister, that takes lot of courage.
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