I created an account here April 14, 2008. I remember being surprised when the year turned 2009 and again when I turned 30. This time four years ago I didn't think I'd live to see those dates, no one knows that. Things got a little better and I thought I had moved past ever considering suicide. Here I am again. I don't have a plan or a method, I'm not to that point yet. But I am thinking how to leave the people I care about behind, that's what's always kept me from moving forward. I want to be happy with them more than anything but time has proven that I can't. I can only be on the outside looking in. I want to go. I want peace. This life is just about surviving one moment to the next. I can tell my therapist but have no where else to turn. I want the people I love to comfort me but we've been through this before, some of them are no longer here. I can't keep going through everything alone.