I don't know how long it's been since I've been here. Two years? I never had the illusion that I was cured, but it's been nice to be not suicidal - not depressed. Almost like being normal. Last night I found out my sister is dying. Now don't get me wrong - I detest her. It's a long abusive story I'm sure I posted a long time ago. So my first reaction is, "Woot!", second is guilt, third is depression. I was happy to have her just disappear from my life, now I have to deal again with stuff I was more comfortable, if not better off, having buried. I don't like seeing this core of nastiness inside of me. Edit: Ha! I'd forgotten what was in my signature. It's panic!