Back after a long good time.

I don't know how long it's been since I've been here. Two years? I never had the illusion that I was cured, but it's been nice to be not suicidal - not depressed. Almost like being normal.
Last night I found out my sister is dying. Now don't get me wrong - I detest her. It's a long abusive story I'm sure I posted a long time ago. So my first reaction is, "Woot!", second is guilt, third is depression.
I was happy to have her just disappear from my life, now I have to deal again with stuff I was more comfortable, if not better off, having buried.
I don't like seeing this core of nastiness inside of me.

Edit: Ha! I'd forgotten what was in my signature. It's panic!

 

Pleased to welcome you back, Jack! :hug:

 

:hug: nice to hear from you again..:smile:

 

When my father was dying, I had the same conflict...the monster was leaving me, even though I was in my 20s and he finally is getting what he deserved (he was suffering from cancer) and what kind of person am I to feel this way? I realized that one can feel many things at one time, and there is a vast difference between feeling and doing...I am glad you came back here for support..I am sure others can relate as well...J

 

Thanks.
The thing is - I understand all the feelings... I just hate freeking having them. I want to hit somebody, but the people around me now are good people. They certainly don't deserve any grief.
If I was a superhero I could just go apprehend some villain and maybe accidentally drop him in a volcano.
While nobody was looking. Trouble is with all the satellites somebody is always looking.
:starwars:

 

Chill bro..u r alright..just remember..always be calm..and dont get carried away..problems will increase when you react more..!! tc