Back again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jonathan, May 28, 2009.

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  1. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    No one will remember me on this forum, but I was the kid who posted when I was 15 about my suicidal feelings. I've grown up now and I'm in college doing my A levels in computer science or to be more specific computer programming.

    The past three years have not been great for me, my mum and dad have divorced, they've lost near 3 houses and as a whole riddled with debt extending from mortgages to loans.

    The current house I'm living in is going to be repossessed unless I myself can find a job to pay a mortgage which costs £1000 per month. However I've looked absolutely everywhere and nowhere can I find a job. More or so, my dad was fired from his job (Due to the business itself he worked for went bankrupt) thus why there is an urgency to get a job to pay for this house so we can actually live. If we claim for housing from the council, we'll most likely be moved to some estate where drug and knife crime most likely will take place - and this isn't somewhere I'd want to bring my little sister up in.

    The suicide part -: Well, my dad has constantly in a really sad way suggested committing suicide - as he doesn't want to hold me back. (Sadly in terms that puts a smile on his face however I can see in his eyes he doesn't have an ounce of hope left in him) He does this every time a letter comes through the door, which are from debt collectors. - Soon it will be for our mortgage and we'll eventually get the bailiffs around taking everything away.

    When I suggest he doesn't want to hold me back is that if I'm to pay for the mortgage, I would need to quit my education at college to which is a 2 year course which would then lead me onto University. (To which, when I was 15 I thought I would never get into)

    Now I've grown up considerably since my last post here back in 2006 and I'm glad I never committed suicide even when riddled with the insurmountable amount of problems. But I'm starting to get that feeling of suicide back, in a more sensible and logical way. In terms that everyone that I love around me is suffering and I'm finding it hard to do anything about it and I have reached out looking desperately for jobs however I'm either over-qualified or under-qualified. (I can touch type if anyone knows of any places that I can do typing)

    Hell, things may get better I don't know. However there is also the prospect of my dad going to prison as well as he HAD to fiddle just to pay for this months mortgage and also next months. With this all in mind, I don't know whether it is better to just die or to just live it out and hope for the best.

    What can a person do in this state? :mad:

    Sorry for my rant but I needed to let some words out somewhere.

    I probably won't kill myself as I don't have the guts, though if things got any worse such as my dad going to prison, well then... I just might.

    I'm thinking a career in the army would be alright? But then my dad would be worried all the time and I wouldn't be able to take care of my little sis.

    I'm going to end here. So many problems with os very little solutions. Just makes me sad to think my "family" was once financially stable and now we are financially broke.

    I'm hurting at the moment...

    Someone please fix this for me... make it all go away. :blub:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2009
  2. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    Sorry that your in pain right now and have all the family crisis issues...
    I know that everyone (basically in the world) are hurting financially in the economy right now,
    i dont know the solutions to your problems, but all i can do is hope for you that they get better
    and a career in the army might be a good thing if thats what u want to do....

  3. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    Reading your story I realize that I'm somewhat fortunate. I hope you solve your problems.
  4. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    No need to make a comparison. We all have our different problems, some worse than others. I just happen to be in a position where everything is going wrong and have the possibility of seeing everything around me gone.

    I've read your story, all I can say is that you shouldn't leave it too late. You need to think and see which direction in life you want to take. Do you really want to live hand-cuffed to your parents all your life, or do you want to go out there in the world and do something that you want to do. You might be called selfish for doing what you want to do, but then again, it is your life isn't it? (Just my opinion)
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