Hello Didn't expect to be back yet. I have an eating disorder, depression and potentially another mental disorder (potentially bpd given my black and white reasoning for all of existence), they cba to diagnose so hey, I'm not getting help for it. I'm also having a sexuality crisis. Again. The girl I loved is dead, and I can't even let myself feel because it kills me every time. I still don't know what I am, who I am, my own identity is gone and swallowed in an eating disorder and depression that engulfs everything. It isn't a crisis, it's an underlying moan, throb, of suicidality. I don't want to be here, but I'm so empty. I can't try and fail to die again, I mean really, I've tried enough times to no avail. I'm subtle, my self-harming is almost unnoticable, my bulimia is known to nobody, I'm on my own. Only I don't know who "my own" is. Haven't felt this dissociated in a while. I'm writing without feeling, knowing it hurts to feel this but not actually accessing the emotion. I'm beyond numb, I'm not even here. I wonder when, or if, this will impact. If I'll even remember posting in a few hours. I tend to forget when I'm on here, it just vanishes from my head. I don't know. I'm confused. And I don't want this. Not any more, I'm just tired of going through this. Lex.