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Back Again

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Cloud206, Jan 4, 2012.

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  1. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    Back again for maybe the last time

    Losing my friends as they have all gone on to bigger and better things
    Job is near unbearable but cant quit as i need the money
    Too scared to tell anyone about how depressed and lonely i feel as im ashamed of myself for feeling like this
    Everything i try just fails or i just dissapoint people
    Girl i loved and was with for years who i broke up with under 2 years ago is now getting married to some older man
    I just cant escape all the pain, and when im alone i just sit there and my mind races through all my failings and memories
    I am so dissallusioned with my life i have zero confidence, zero self esteem, zero motivation and feel as though if i left this earth it would be alot easier and i would stop being the pain i know i am to people
    I just feel as though im all alone with no one to talk too and nothing to look forward too every day is a struggle and i really feel myself getting weaker mentally and physically each day
    Ive been on the meds before and they didnt do jack all but i dont want to go back onto drugs again, dont think i can face my smart ass doctor or my family about the truth as they will just blame themselves or just have ago at me like last time.
    I dont even know why im here anymore
    Sorry to be ranting just dont know what to think at the moment.
    I just need to let go i cant do this day in day out anymore
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun your depression god hun you are in such a dark place I wish you would reach out maybe to a different doctor okay one that truly understands . I know meds suck i do but sometimes the new ones are better and you just need to take them until you are more stable Therapy helps hun as well having a person to just listen and not judge
    You can pm me anytime okay Please reach out okay to any supports you have around you just do it and the hell with what anyone thinks You just do it for YOU so you can feel stronger hugs
  3. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    i just feel so guilty for being like this when i know theres people in the world who are much worse off than me
    every day feels like a huge chore and takes me one step closer to just finishing it all
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    There have been times I have felt guilty too. Please try seeing a doctor again and trying a medication. I've learned that medication doesn't stop me from being depressed, but keeps me out of the deeper depressions most of the time. When I do go into a deep depression it doesn't last as long. This at least helps me to keep going and be able to do some things.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Cloud,

    I think trying different medicines to see what works best for you could help alleviate some of your pain....I like total_eclipse and Chargette's suggestions, including seeing a counselor and finding a new psychiatrist. Working with experienced doctors whom you trust to establish a treatment plan could be great for you! I know what you mean when you say you feel guilty, because I feel that way when I struggle to reach out since my mind can be trapped in suicidal thinking....It might be hard for you to believe you deserve outside support right now, but we do believe it and see how much you are suffering. Take care, and please reach out for you. I hold out hope that your family will understand more about your situation as time goes on....nevertheless, what you're going through needs urgent attention before it is too late. :hug:

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2012
  6. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies

    I just dont know what to do with myself anymore
    I hate being alone 24/7. Nothing feels worse.
    I hate myself
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please hun i know abt self hate it hurts please know you are important okay you are special and you are NOT alone please keep posting keep reaching out here hun You can pm me anytime hun i will listen
  8. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    Im good at putting on a fake smile and happiness to people around me most of the time because i dont want to bug or hurt anyone else. Id rather be alone like this but with everyone happy than annoy/distrupt other people with my shit state of mind all the time. Thats the problem. I find it hard to even know what to say to my friends these days, i just dont think my life is very interesting. I know im seen as the let down of the family and ive let down my friends and Partners in the past too, how i ended up in the place i am. I just cant shake this feeling of hopelesness and despair off of my shoulders all the time and im getting too tired to drag them around anymore
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