This is going to be a long one folks... I first attempted suicide 6 years ago... i was young then (i guess im still young now), and really hated my life. I was being emotionally abused, and occasionally physically abused by my parents (well, my father)... i had self harmed alot too, leading up to it, as a way to get control over myself (if i caused myself more damage than anyone else, then i was still in control of my own life)... They never found out, and have never found out since... i guess thats another way of trying to keep control of a bit of life. I'm still living with my parents through necessity (im at university, and financially i cannot support myself while studying there)... things have got better somewhat as i've got older (i don't know whether its more that i've grown stronger, or just got used to the abuse). About 4 years ago, i broke up with the first girlfriend i ever had... it wasn't a good break up, there were problems with distance, and in the end she didn't want anything to do with me, and ended up dragging me along for months, before finally saying it was over. That was the next time i seriously tried to commit suicide... Since then things got better, i am now with someone else, and we are happy together, though both of us are very insecure in our relationship... which isn't good, but it does work... I'm doing averagely at university, finally after 3 years talking to a couple of people there (i have some social anxiety issues, thats why its taken me days to build up the courage to write this, but i know that now i do need to)... but right now im getting those same suicidal feelings that i had 4 years ago (i've had problems with self harm since then, and a couple of attempts, but not in earnest)... and i don't know why. Things are as good as someone like me could expect (i could list my personality flaws, but they would take up a good few dozen pads of paper)... but i can't get rid of those feelings now, and because i can't find a cause for them... i keep thinking should this be it. Is it just my life is as good as it can get, and its still hurting me, so maybe it would be better for me to just be free of it.