Ive been gone for a while. Sorry to disappoint but still breathing. Almost wasnt several times since I left. But cant even get that right. Im in a very dark bad place. I used to tell others I dont want to die but rather I need to. Bullshit to that. I want to die. Only way to stop all the hurt and heartache and problems with my health thats in my face day after day. Those that hurt me get to walk away and do as they want. And I am supposed to just suck it up. No room left anymore. I cant suck it up. And the hurt wont stop. But hey Im not allowed to be angry or say things to let my anger out. Im not allowed to say anything negative to or about those that did the things they did to me. The harder I try to improve my health, the worse it gets. I cant battle my demons anymore so why would I think I could battle my health issues either? I dont belong anywhere. Im disposable. I'm feeling mean. Nasty. Angry. People, things are turning me into a complete bitch. I cant even bring myself to read other threads and offer help. What good am I here if I cant even do that?? Sorry but I cant see anything through the darkness anymore. What else would anyone expect me to be feeling or thinking. I want to die. God.........I want to die.